• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1979-09-27_Vol45_No06_04

PAGE 4 1 HI WIM1 KM AROL1N1AN September27, 1979 THE BIRDS-EYE VIEW by Jim Buchanan I was sitting around extremely bored one slow moving day when 1 had a flash. This happens pretty often and I usually pay it no mind, but I was in the newspaper office when it hit. My inspiration was to go undercover and see what it takes to become a "campus cop"! 1 took the idea to my editor. He agreed [what with his drug problem and all] to everything I said and when 1 left, his head was still bobbing like a misguided slinky. So the next day I left for the University Police Intensive Service Training |UPIST] center in Greater Cullowhee. As I disembarked from the bus with my duffle bag over my shoulder, a brawny sergeant came up to me. He looked like he stuck to the old axiom "Stick out chest, suck in gut" except in reverse. I held out my hand in greeting, he looked at my hair in disgust, and we bounced each other around the parkina lot for about 10 minutes. I was just beginning lo get the upper hand when a band of about 50 security officers armed to Ihe teeth with guns and few bullets began to close In on me and the other recruits. They dry -gulched the first long-hair they came to and left the corpse covered with pink slips. Then they advanced—malice in their eyes. Now it was at this time that I began to realize these people were up lo no good. Two of them grabbed me by the arms. I said, "You guys are no fun." The fat sergeant said, "You'n mc's gonna get along real good." A group of recruits was herded over towards the cafeteria. After they entered I heard some horrendous screaming. "What are you doing to them?" I asked. The sergeant laughed fiendishly and said, "Somebody has to sample the food." About 10 minutes later some security police left Dodson and entered Brown carrying large black trash bags. I noticed the screaming had stopped. "What are they doing with the bodies?" I asked. "Har ha » guffawed the sergeant, "ever wonder why its CalM 'mystery meat'?" M He turned to me and said, "And now I'm gonna deil with you!" As he said that, I noticed a 175 pound Mallard duck going into convulsions in the sky above u Immediately it began plummeting earthward. "Duck!" I screamed. The sergeant just flashed that sadistic smile and said, "Ya think we're gonna fall fo that old trick? What have you got fer brains horse— ?" The untimely arrival of the duck cut him off in mid-insult. The mess would have made Ma and P. Kettle blush. That was a year ago. As you may have noticed the campus security forces now restrict their activities to ticketing any inanimate object that looks incapable of putting up a struggle. Join me next week, dear readers, when I join Mariin Perkins in an effort to capture Vice-President Mondale. The Voice of the Students State of Cullowhee To whom it may concern Dear Whom, Well fellow citizens, students, faculty, and freshmen, it is once again time for my yearly foray into the journalistic world with my (Ta da, Ta da) State of Cullowhee Address (and believe me, Cullowhee is in quite a state—if you take mv meaning). Well folks, there have been quite a few changes in and about Cullowhee since my last letter; some even for the good. The most notable change is the huge, obnoxious looking monolith known as Cotton's erection, or by the offical name of the University Administration and Mountain Heritage Center. This building is a contradiction in terms. I mean really folks, who are they trying to kid—a Mountain Heritage building indeed. That building looks and represents mountain heritage about as much as the annual "leafers" from Florida do, but I suppose the thing will blend in nicely with the Cotten Memorial Highway they are now building. The inside of the thing is even worse. You feel like vou are entering a prison or better yet a dungeon, and the drab stark walls .only help one to feel that way. When you do get out of there, you feel like dropping to your knees and thanking all the academic gods, and promising that you'll never again skip that 8 a.m. class. Also, I've heard rumors that the people who work there are not too pleased with the building. One reason is the noticable lack of windows in the thing. Apparantly when the office space was doled out, the big shots got the windows, and the really big shots got the windows that overlook Scott and Walker beaches. Another new development in our fair city is that of the "Vali-dine" system that Cecil Ward has inflicted upon us. This was done as a way to save money. I am puzzled at the logic used in coming to this decision. I mean, who in their right mind would eat at the cafeteria more than once per meal? Come on folks, just because we are college students doesn't mean we are completely ignorant. Also, where is the money saved going to? Certainly not to the betterment of the food. However, to be fair there are some good things that have occured in Cullowhee over the last year. One is that for the first time since I've been here they are not building something or tearing up some poor defenseless road on campus. A second good thing is that they have finally completed construction on US 19-23. Yes folks, now you can drive from Sylva to Waynesville on a glorious four lane road, and never mind the four mountains we had to tear down, for progress is the important thing. Well campers, that's about all 1 can think of to say. Be good and don't forget to vote. Also, don't take this University too seriously; rumor has it that seriousness causes cancer. Until we meet again, Steven C. Prussing, esq. A proud poem Dear Editor, As a cosmopolite in terms of college life, I've come to the conclusion that in order to be a champion WCU student, one must be honest with oneself. By being honest with oneself, one can realize the potential one has. 1 often question my honesty with my own self. Are you honest internally and externally? By reading the following poem I hope to convey a message of self-realization to someone. (The Proud) The proud speak so loud. The proud walk with their head in a cloud. The proud think they're better than the crowd. One day the proud will stumble and be at the feet of those who are humble. Then the proud will beat their hands in the ground and realize they've tumbled and are just like the humble. The proud, the humble, why grumble? We're all the same. Life is real; it's not a game We're all the same. Let's all be humble so we won't stumble. By being honest one can realize his/her potential. Through attempting to fulfill the potential the person can feel fulfilled which may result in self-satisfaction. Through this self-satisfaction one gains self-love. If one has self-love then one can love others. How can you or I love someone else if we do not love ourselves? Let's be humble, honest, loving human beings. I hope that I've shared something that will be beneficial. Sincerely, Lavern Samuel Oxendine II "Teddy is ready Dear Editor, Why We Should All Support Ted Kennedy for President: 1. He is a far better swimmer than any other previous president. 2. He is physically more attractive than Karl Marx. 3. Anyone who was thrown out of Harvard for cheating has got to be honest. 4. His wife Joan can hold her liquor better than any other first lady. 5. Socialism is where it is; Is that what is meant by a social disease? 6. We could fight the next war here in the states; thereby avoiding the high cost of transporting our army to Europe. Think of all the energy we would be saving! 7. The Kennedy name is blessed so we could dismiss ssith individualism and establish a Kennedy dynasty, or make them the Royal Family of the United States thereby helping our sagging G.N.P. by avoiding costly elections. 8. His National Health Plan would allow all Americans to be able to afford being sick. Think of it. We can become malnourished from paying a higher taxes and collect our investment back while recovering in the hospital. Mr. Yandle. I want to express my deepest appreciation for turning me around in the right direction. To think I was going to support that nasty, capitalistic Nazi—Ronald Reagan. Not now. I have seen the light. Ted Kennedy will lead the way. All Americans will be equal; everyone will be living at the same level: the poverty level. Name withheld by request Right of what name held? You seem to try to Interject words into this already tireless typewriter. Go back to conservatism and that washed up B-rated movie star. Eddie Yandle Rooted in the ear Dear Forum; I'd like to relate a recent experience I think your readers would enjoy. I am a 20 year old, fairly tall, bony kneed, male student attending a small college in Western N.C. On a typically dull evening I was quietly watching monday night football when a subtle, enticing stuffiness began penetrating my right ear. At first I ignored the caress-like pressure as merely a tease. However, as the night progressed the stuffiness grew bolder and advanced to a gentle pain, persistently invading my naked ear canal. As the probing discomfort gradually enlarged, I began to crave measures to prolong the delightful displeasure. At about 10:30 pm I suddenly made a daring adventure toward the infirmary. By the time I burst into Graham Infirmary, the gently pain was throbbing, anxious for riveting relief. Unfortunately, as I sought an ultimate climax to the pulsation pain I discovered the infirmary was closed to non-emergency individuals. I then sought an alternative form of relief. In the privacy of my room, I assaulted the Anacin, the Nytol, the Codeine, and the last of my suity-mate's marijuana. Nothing could hold down the exotic agony. Finally, about 5 am, I collapsed into sleep, totally drained by the sensuous suffering. It was a passionately painful predicament 1 shall long treasure, etc. etc... Although the previous passages may seem a crass, sexually-oriented account of a common place experience, I actually intend this letter to be a vindiction of Graham Infirmary, written in a style (and on a level) that will perhaps appeal to the attention of the managerial staff at Graham Infirmary. Gentlemen (of ladies), do I have your attention? Our brand-spanking new 1979-80 student handbook says, "Routine medical care available 24 hours per day." Perhaps an earache does not require "Routine medical care." I really don't know. However, I do know I was refused treatment of any kind this particular evening. I couln't even get an aspirin from the efficient staff at Graham Infirmary! Also this particular evening a fellow student visited Graham Infirmary with a rusty tack embedded under his fingernail! The student had removed the talk and evidently sought some sanitary dressing. The student had barely begun to speak when he was refused any medical attention. If I were he I believe I would have smacked a rude nurse for the first time. Evidently, a student must be unable to walk, talk, or remain conscious to deserve the fine care Graham Infirmary has to offer. If WCU lacks the funds to supply medical care at night, it seems Cecil Ward should be glad to share some of the $150,000.00 he is saving with the new Vali-dine meal system. This seem logical since the food here inevitably drives us Graham Infirmarv. Perhaps this account seems trivial to your read5.s. However, I still feel as if I've been F ED IN THE EAR. Yours truely, F ED IN THE EAR (Name & address withheld by request)

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University's student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolinian in 1933.

• Creator
  • Western Carolina University
• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Date
  • Date original: 1979-09-27
  • Date digitized: 2019-09-10
• Extent
  • Dimension: 15" x 11.5"
  • Pages: 20 pages
• Subject - Topic
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • Cullowhee (N.C.) -- Newspapers
  • Universities and colleges -- North Carolina -- Cullowhee -- Newspapers
• Location
  • Jackson County (N.C.)
  • Cullowhee (N.C.)
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Source Collection
  • WCU Students Newspapers Collection
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1979-09-27_Vol45_No06
• Repository
  • Western Carolina University Hunter Library