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WCU - Western Carolina University Publications

Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Item 1 - Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812
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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 0U812

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  • Page7AHEWESTERNCAROLINIAN/ApriM,1980 Student Government goes fraternal SGA President Roger McKinney announced Monday that WCU's Student Government Association has been awarded full fraternity status from the school's administration. The WCU Senate is is peeled to ratify this agreement at their next meeting. "It's a sure thing," commented VP Richard Sullins. "The Greeks have always run SGA, so why not make the whole thing a social fraternity?" Barring any unforseen snags at the Monday night Senate meeting, SGA will be known as Sigma Gamma Alpha. Plans call for Sigma to move off campus sometime this semester. Any student needing contact with Sigma Gamma can reach them at their mailing address. Editor lands real job Steve Surles will be leaving his job as Sorts Editor of the Western Carolinian to take on a new career as a sports writer for Sports Illustrated. It is believed that Surles will be starting out at an estimated six figure salary and will be covering such events as the Hand Grenade Lob Championships in Northern Ireland and cross-country swimming in Antartica. "I know that these types of sports are not interesting to most c," Surles said, "but you have to start somewhere." Surles went on to state that he thought thai liis getting the job was in direct response to his ability to predict the winners of major sporting events such as the NCAA Basketball Championship. Even though he was wrong in that prediction he just : shrugged it off and says that there are too many championships to get them all right. Asked who he thought would win the National League East pennant, Surles answered without hesitation, "That's simple. There is no team in the east that will be able to keep up with the Hotlanta Braves." One final question was asked of Surles: Would he miss the Carolinian? The answer was an emphatic, "Hell no! My life has been miserable since day one with them. They knew that I was unhappy and they refused to trade me." Housing crackdown From page 3 One of the main problems that occured with the boys this year was the frequency of false fire alarms. To combat this increase the fire alarms have been wired to send about 1000 volts through the person who pulls the alarm. Even though this will happen to the person who only pulls the alarm when there is a real fire, it is still for the benefit of the students and the school. Another problem with the misuse of toilet paper by the students especially the guys. It seems that much money is wasted each year on toilet paper because students use it to decorate the campus lawns and cram rolls of it down the toilet. Next year each hall will get a certain allottment of tissues, and if the supply is misused and they run out prematurely, then the students will have to just buy their own. Even with all of these changes it is expected that the most dramatic change will occure not in the dorms but on the exits from campus. Security guards will be stationed at each exit around the clock to make sure that no undesirables get into the campus. Also student ID's must be shown and passed through the Vali-Enter before the students will be allowed to enter or leave campus. Students will only be allowed to leave campus five times each semester. Anyone caught trying to leave with out the proper authorization will be subject to the whims of Officer Crusan and his madcap assasins Drugs hit Cullowheee Central Pharmacy of Cullowhee has announced their annual "Get-lt-While-vou-Can" sale with close-out prices on all "treats" to make your stay in Cullowhee a very special one. Quaaludes, Tuenols, Seconals, and "Reds" will go on sale Thursday at prices even your dealer can't beat! Store owner and federally licensed drug dealer Michael David Allen commenting on his sale said, "Oh man, do we have the drugs to lay on you!'' Unfortunately, the interview with Allen about possible drug abuse which could result from a sale of this sort was never com mmp plet ed... No problems From time to time students have written the Carolinian and have asked that their voices be heard. Unfortunately most of the students' letters were either not understandable or too obscene to print. Still, we at the Western Carolinian went on searching for the average man on the street opinion. Finally after minutes of searching, wc found an incredibly average person. So without any further introduction, this is B.U. Cannon. "What's all this talk about parking problems here at WCU? I've lived here for purt near 300 years and I ain't had no problems at all. Seems ta mc that the problem is with these young folks' parents and not the kids themselves. They been brought up ta believe that they can have anything that they dang well please and now that they're away from home, they can't cope with the fact that they might have to walk a mile or two from their cars to class or wherever. Course, ya can't blame the school every single one of them has their own car and all of them want to park right beside their classroom or dormitory. Still all these kids do is complain. Heck fire when 1 was growing up we didn't have cars to drive to school. Course we didn't have drive-ins or canned beer either. These kids got it made today and don't even know it. Hell, if you wanted to get high back then you ad to climb a mountain and find ole Jim Bailey's still (he had to move it 'bout every month because of the revnewers). Now all ya gotta do is go outside and cut a little grass. Why jist the other day I heard on the T.V. that one in the UC, I never figured to need one since I could always watch it over thar. Well, anyway, last Saturday while I was waiting for Hee Haw to come on, I heard one of them news men tell where over 10 people, if you can believe that--ten people, were arrested in Asheville at some Buffet lunchen or something like that for possessing some of them narcotics. Well, I never heard tell of anyone in this state ever using such a thing and I is sure that they, meaning the kids here, have never used em. Still, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. You let all of them kids drive around in fast cars, drink that abominal canned beer and let them Riot Production Carolina Perez Fred Kopp Jim Adams Pat Rogers Ros Randolph John Blocker Jim Buchanan Mark Asa David Hubbs Bob Cochran Phil Harden John Van Tassel Propaganda Artists Chris Castiglia Laurie Gardner WESTERN CAROLINIAN Subversives Mark Stewart Peggy D. Robertson Chaos Design Kelly Laminack Susannc Cooper Maria Huffman Cathey Nelson Sandy Cavendish Kay West April fools!! Here is our contribution to serious journalism for this year. By the way. all print contained herein is purely satirical and should not be taken literally!-the staph at the Carolinian. Try this one Trivia quiz By Frank Kelley Tina Leland David Curtis 1. How many hands did it take to make Cotton's erection? 2. Is it true that Idi Amin is accepting a teaching position on the ROTC staff at WCU next year? 3. How many weeks till the Jackson Co. airport slides into the valley? 4. Who wrote "Dixon Sucks" on the bathroom wall on third floor Forsyth? 5. Whatever happened to Tripod's fourth leg? 6. Who was the first black to attempt to join a white fraternity on the Western Carolina campus? 7. And where was he hung? 8. Who hired the Scott Beach lifeguard anyway? 9. In the movie "Blazing Saddles" who said, "Is that a ten gallon hat in your lap, or are you just glad to see me?" 10. Is it true that Consolidated Edison plans to ship spent nuclear waste to a small university community in the mountains of Western Carolina? 11. Where do you make reservations for fraternity and sorority tables in Dodson Cafeteria? 12. Who was the Rec. Major who applied to teach a course in surfing on Bear Lake? 13. How many days does it rain in Cullowhee? 14. Who will go first, the Shah or the Ayatollah? 15. Where is the entrance to Starvin Marvin's underground parking lot? Anti-imperialist Richard Andreaus Running Dog Tina Leland Anarchists Janice Spencer Denise Stefanak Martha Holfyday Bomb Squad Hughes Grogan Mike Caruso Rumour Mongor Tim Thompson
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Western Carolina University Publications

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolin...

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