• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1954-04-01_Vol19_No11_01

The Western Carolinian VOL. XIX—No. 11 WESTERN CAROLINA COLLEGE, CULLOWHEE, N. C. THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 1954 BK VICE RING EXPOSED HERE WATERED WHISKEY AND MARKED CARDS "Sealed Be Gum" Bunton. Goode, "Kid-Glove" Wamsley, "Stud" Day, and "Muscles" Kirkley. Arresting Officer, "Bubble- NARCOTICS FOUND IN MUSIC DEPT, BULLETIN: Music Department, March 31 Mj—It has just been announced that a large cache of illegal narcotics has been found in a practice room in the Music Department of W.C.C. It was found by Dr. Renfro while checking said practice rooms for people who may have been practicing (?). Dr. Renfro said that he knocked on the door and receiving no answer, went in, thinking that someone may have been practicing behind his back. Seeing a pair of legs sticking out of the top of the piuno, he was naturally curious, so he pulled them. Much to his surprise, they turned out to belong to one of the more promising juniors in the department, Pat Montague, who claimed frantically that he was merely fixing the piano which was falling to pieces. Dr. Renfro found this scarcely believable, so he searched the piano carefully, found it in perfect working order, and discovered enough heroin to be worth at least $50,000 on the black- market. The police were called in and made short work of their duty. It is believed that the sly, unscrupulous "Dopey" Montague is connected with the Goodman- Ussery gang as a "middle-man." He probably Used a practice room as a most unlikely place to store the unsold heroin, because he knew that this room is so seldom used for its intended purpose. The Octopus Is Now Dead Last night an infamous career of crime on our campus came to an end. The man whose unspeakably low principles has left the whole nation amazed departed this morning in the custody of two of the State Bureau of Investigation Officers who were instrumental in his apprehension. After undercover work that has been going on all year, the SB! Officers who registered last fall quarter as transfer students finally amassed enough evidence to serve 46 indictments on Western Carolina College students. Clarence (Sleepy) Goode, the ring-leader, 13; Harold (Sealed-Beam) Funder- burke, 7; Hilda (Junkie) Goodman, 4; Hester (Hop-Head) Martin, 2; Mark (Nosey) Brown, 2. WHITE AT SLAVERY RING EXPOSED WESTERN CAROLINA Bells Of The Court We hope that the above title will catch the eye of the person who borowed this manuscript from Mr. Bob Mull last August. Mr. Mull is very anxious to have this returned to him as soon as possible. If you are the person who borrowed the manuscript please return it to him at Velt's Cafe in Sylva. When borrowed Mr. Mull was located at the Cullowhee Grill. The fellow drove up in front of a saloon, got out and took a bucket out of the back of the buggy. He entered the saloon and called for a bucket of martinis for his horse. After his horse downed the bucket, the man re-entered and said, "Just a half a bucket this round." As the bartender mixed them up, he asked, "Can I fix YOU something?" "My, no!" said the fellow. "I gotta drive." THE BROWN-RING It was discovered late last night during the examination of the lately deposed crime-czar, Clarence (Sleepy) Goode, that, the Brown-Ring was a part of his corrupt organization. It had been thought, due to its seemingly slipshod method of operation, that the Brown-Ring was an independent group. For a set fee, Brown has been able to get a failing student's grade raised to passing either by persuasion, bribery, intimidation, or violence. Fortunately, Nosey did not have to resort to either intimidation nor violence. Dr * has estimated that through the efforts of Mr. Brown (Nosey), 50 percent of the faculty members (Continued on page 4) These are the principal characters in the nefarious activities, the other eight indictments were served on lesser individuals. "Most of the students that were indicted had been suspected of their activities long before the raid," said Officer Eugene (Smiley) Morgan, "but the identity of the 'big-cheese' was still a secret until this week. Sleepy was of the highest type of criminal, he gave the impression of being just another underpaid stooge of the organization and not the big man. Goode might have continued indefinitely in his Utopia had not amorous inclinations for Margaret Ann (the body) Davis, another SBI Officer, arisen. Davis was recently saow- ered with attentions by all ' the eligible men on the campus. Th.'s. aroused such a jealousy in Sleepy that he drew from his ill-gotten , savings huge sums to impress Margaret Ann. Offioers knew that Goode could not afford the new Cadillac convertible on the niggardly wages of an underling. After being confronted with ail the evidence that the investigators possessed, Goode confessed to being the leader of the Brown-Ring (see article). This came as a surprise to Officer Morgan, who thought the Brown-Ring was on a lot smaller scale than it actually was. Most of their heinous crimes were believed to have been covered up by payment of graft. An investigation of the administrative officer* of the college has been started by the State Board of Regents. Alcoholic Haven Uncovered Miss Maggie "Mann Act" Akin was apprehended as leader of the White Slave ring. Left to Right: "Blood-Hound" Carpenter, Maggie "Mann Act" Akin, and "Dragnet" Fitzpatrick. It has just been flashed on the teletype that a White Slave Ring at Western Carolina College has been uncovered by two top F.B.I, agents, "Dragnet" Fitzpatrick and "Blood-Hound" Carpenter. In their report, it was learned that the slavery ring was headed by a shady character who gave her name as Miss Maggie "Mann Act" Akin. It seems that Miss Akin enrolled as a student and then cleverly set tip the white slavery ring that soon encompassed and ran its slimy tentacles through the entire girls' dormitories. Miss Akin rolled her Bhifty green eyes and explained to the F.B.I, men how she operated. Strangely, it seems that the college men wholeheartedly approved of the slavery ring. Perhaps the whole messy thing would not yet be uncovered, but Miss Akin suddenly sold her aged '32 Plymouth and bought a '54 Lincoln, then traded in her knee- length rat terrier coat for a long mink stole. Mr. Fitzpatrick questioned some of the unfortunate girls that had > been victimized by this secret organization. One, who gave her name as "Sexy Chris" said that Miss Akin first approached her with an offer of fifty dollars to do her a favor. The poor girl, who needed the money badly to pay off an old gambling debt incurred in the Soda Shop, gladly accepted, not knowing in what horrible thing she was getting involved. Upon further interrogation, she said that her abductress offered her a stick of gum, which, upon chewing, she became sleepy and when she awakened, found herself bound and gagged in a big wheel's room. The man's name was not given, but his initials are Harold "Sealed-Beam" Funderburke. When she was returned to her room, she was threatened with blackmail if she told anyone. The F.B.I. men broke into the leader's apartment and found her counting her money taken in that week. She was so surprised and with all her defenses down, she confessed immediately. Proceedings are now being taken to see what other people were involved in this whole slimy mess. Through careful questioning, it has been partially determined that her boy friend, whose name we are not allowed to print here for obvious reasons, had something to do with this whole slavery ring setup. Some of the male faculty members were reported mixed up in this too. It is thought that Professor B. Vice—Roy Barnett had taken advantage of this opportunity. The detectives noticed that since the breaking up of the ring, he was about to have a nervous breakdown, and had turned into a regular chain smoker*. Read tomorrow morning's paper to see what other evidence had been uncovered by Mr. Fitzpatrick and Mr. Charpenter, who have sent to Washington headquarters for some help. They said the entire situation was much too hot for them to handle alone. Their last comment was that they were sorry that they had not been students at W.C.C. before the ring was uncovered. By Fransquois De Muckraket. The Western Carolinian office has recently been uncovered as a s pot of gross iniquity. Left to right are "Low Louis the light loaded,"* Basil Clark, Duane "Skip School" Simpson, Luther "Heresay" Shaw, "Baby Eyes" Woolard, and "Two Pint" Pulliam. By authority vested in him by "Sleepy" Goode, notorious ' vice leader, Luther Shaw, ex-editor of the Western Carolinian, has been exposed as chief distributor for campus alcoholics. The place of sale has been identified as the WESTERN CAROLINIAN office. In a seemingly innocent looking filing cabinet, marked "submitted material," around forty bottles of various types of liquors were discovered by Neil McCarthy, head of the Western Carolina Gestapo. To be more thoroughly assured of having evidence which would hold up in court, Scotty employed one of the underground's most effective means—a concealed camera. It is now known that this office has been used as a campus liquor store all year. It also seems apparent from the picture that certain women have claim on the haven as well as those addicted to alcohol. Investigators, in a preliminary hearing yesterday, named "Baby Eyes" Woolard as cashier of the firm. Before her court testimony was received, she confessed everything to "Yum-Yum" Grieder, head of all Western Carolina hench women, and assistant sniffer to Neil McCarthy. It is thought that "Baby Eyes" ' confession will not stand up since it was obvious that she was subjected to flogging. "Two Pint" Pulliam was arrested with a fifth immediately after this shot was made and was taken to Neil'McCarthy's office for preliminary hearing. He was immediately asked the routine question, "Were you drinking?" The pressure was on. Pulliam had to admit the truth. As punishment he received the following: "You are banished to the chow hall, where you must partake of some of each ed and sentenced to stand in the food every meal." This will, of course, mean slow death for Pulliam. "Low Louis the light loaded" was dismissed from school since this was his eighty-second offense. As you are aware, all must go on their eighty-second trial. Louie has been known and loved on the campus. He has been recognized nationally for his capacity to drink enormous amounts without exploding. Fortunately, Duane Simpson withdrew from school immediately before the mass exposition occurred. He is now operating a productive liquor still in Midway* Park Basil Clark renounced outcast of AA was no more than a regular customer in the store. Needless to I say, however, Basil was also grill- post office every night from six to seven. The martyrs will soon trample him to death. Luther Shaw, ex-editor of the Western Carolinian, as of yesterday, was apprehended by Patrolman John Backslider on Highway 107 as he raced around the curve in his black Rolls Royce at a clocked 110 miles per hour. Shaw goes on trial Monday for his infamous crimes. Besides the charge of operating an illegal campus liquor store, he is also charged with having "friendly" relationships with his typist. Earlier this year he was convicted of stepping on the toes of certain administrators of the college. His attitude toward Reynolds Dorm has also been severely banned, although it is; absolutely correct.

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolinian in 1933.

• Creator
  • Western Carolina College
• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Date
  • Date original: 1954-04-01;
  • Date digitized: 2017-09-06
• Extent
  • Dimension: 21.5" x 16"
  • Pages: 4 pages
• Subject - Topic
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • Cullowhee (N.C.) -- Newspapers
  • Universities and colleges -- North Carolina -- Cullowhee -- Newspapers
• Location
  • Jackson County (N.C.)
  • Cullowhee (N.C.)
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Source Collection
  • WCU Students Newspapers Collection
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1954-04-01_Vol19_No11
• Repository
  • Western Carolina University Hunter Library