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WCU - Western Carolina University Publications

Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 1 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 2 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 3 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 4 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 5 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 6 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 7 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 8 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 9 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 10 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 11 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 12 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 13 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 14 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 15 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 16 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 17 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 18 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 20 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 21 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 22 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 23 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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Item 24 - Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)
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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 11 (13)

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  • November 17,1999 SPORTS WESTERN CAROLINIAN 19 TDC's Search for Athletic Director The recruiting has commenced for a new athletic director and the $25,000 minimum bill is a hefty one for an athletic program that can give only $9,000 to the football team to recruit approximately 25 students per year. DHR International, an executive search firm specializing in athletic directors, has been hired to do the job the administration feels people on this campus are not qualified to do. Oh well, I guess the fleecing of the taxpayers by a Chancellor is something we've grown accustomed to in this age of high-tech B.S. Let me suggest an alternative. I am announcing the formation of TDC (Teflon Don Costello) International search firm headquartered in Bardoville, USA. TDC is an independent agency working free of charge to ensure the most qualified candidate is hired in conjunction with the specification given by the university in the AD want ad placed in the NCAA News. If the university would like to pay TDC a cut rate from DHR's charges, we would gladly accept—some of us have financial aid loans to pay off because a 3.95 GPA isn't enough for WCU's Academic Affairs department to award a scholarship. Over the past week TDC has conducted a nationwide search and has found the most qualified candidates, according to the ad, to fill the Director of Athletics position (A segment of the ad can be seen in the "$25,000 AD Search Underway" article on the back page.) Each candidate has been rated from one to 10 (10 being highest). They are as follows: Pinocchio(10) Judging by previous administrative hires, obviously the Chancellor is looking for a puppet to fill the new AD position. Pino would fit right into this framework and would come at a cost well within the salary range WCU is looking at. An added feature of the Wooden Wonder would be the infamous nose that grows after each lie. If only this feature were present on Chancellor Bardo. Dennis Rodman (9) This freak of nature has a ton of experience in marketing himself and is well-suited in gender equity, considering that half the time he is a minority male while the other half he is a minority female. The Worm could bring national exposure to a program lacking in recognition . The University of Washington "W" donning numerous items around campus would signify "Worm" instead of the Chancellor's middle initial. Teflon Don Costello (8) Costello will be graduating in December and would enjoy a high-paying job from the university that will not allow him to graduate with honors. Costello will show an unending commitment to athletics by missing his graduation to attend the WCU/Northwestern basketball game in Chicago. Mr. Costello has covered both men's and women's sports equally during his term at the Western Carolinian, which shows a commitment to gender equity. His positions speaking out against the administration qualify him as a minority at WCU. Oprah Winfrey (7) See Dennis Rodman minus the cross-dressing reference and substitute "Worm" on the helmets for this candidate's last name. She would also help fund the struggling proposed Fine and Performing Arts Center because she would need a new studio from which to broadcast her talk show. Howard Stern (6) The shock radio host would be a hit in Cullowhee and his mere presence would draw more students out for games. Stern is used to dealing with lawsuits and WCU has had plenty of those to grapple with lately. We can't speak too much on Stern's commitment to gender equity because he has no history of displaying equity toward anyone. Can you see Fartman cascading down a cable from the top of Whitmire Stadium down to field level? He would also be qualified as a helluva Chancellor. Bob Dole (5) Mr. Erectile Dysfunction is a slick politician with fundraising skills and $40,000 of WCU's money. The former senator could persuade the makers of Viagra to erect the other side of the football stadium so it would stand on its own with the rest of the conference. Jack Nicholson (4) One would have to fly over the cuckoo's nest to take a job under the control of John W. Bardo. All work and no play make Bardo a dull boy, but Jack would surely change that. Is this as good as it gets? Donald Duck (3) Mr. Duck's temper seems to be his only negative characteristic. The current Chancellor would enjoy Mr. Duck almost as much as a puppet because Mr. Duck could be controlled by animation and Daisy. Questionable ties to Walt Disney, Mr. Goofy and Mr. Mouse, all known drug lords. John W. Bardo (2) This candidate knows very little about athletics but is a good politician who knows how to take advantage of situation when it arises. As a service to the rest of the academic community at WCU and the UNC system, getting him out of HFR would save the rest of the university. Chancellor Emeritus Myron Coulter (1): Barney already has a purple blazer, and is reportedly well-versed in bringing down the ax. WCU pays him I more than $50,000 to teach one class. Also, as part of the Cherokee Gaming Commission, Coulter could parlay the athletic budget into prosperity and bring in money to finance the other side of the football stadium. Of course, if this gamble didn't pay off it would be costly Golf Range at Cullowhee Located adjacent to WCU Track Hours: Mon-Fri: 11am- I hr. 15 min. before dark Sat-Sun, Holidays: 11-6 Bring this ad in for $1.00 off any size bucket of balls. Ph. 293-3514 SPRING J mmm m mat TWA VIA ill him ♦ But Parflis nf Alrta*-Sttdif FlljMi CANCUN/$399 JAMAICA ^$469 MMMuW$399 AGAPUICO^ S. PADRE/$409 our internet mm\
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Western Carolina University Publications

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolin...

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