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Western Carolinian Volume 64 (65) Number 01 Fall Sports Preview

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  • A6 FALL SPORTS PREVIEW August 18, 1999 Sports Opinion The Official Whinery of the PGA Tour MEDINAH, 111. The kids can play. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What they don't tell you is that the kids can also whine. "We should get paid to play," said one famous feline. "A week's worth of living expenses is not enough," said a Goliath called David. "Why can't we delegate what charity the money goes to," said the Lefty. You know who I'm talking about, don't ya? Of course you do. Those were the words of the three new patron saints of American golf—Tiger Woods, David Duval and Phil Mickelson— at last week's PGA Championship held at Medinah Country Club. During this week the Chicago suburbs were utterly tainted by the comments made by these three mega-stars. The Big Three are all members of the American team schedule to go up against the Europeans next month in the Ryder Cup matches in odds Brookline, Massachusetts, and they're making me sick. Those greedy words would have never crossed the lips of the old patron saints, Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Byron Nelson. It wouldn't have even been an afterthought. But, nevertheless, lust for money reared its ugly head and came sooooo close to ruining the last major of the century. It took a Spanish kid by the name of Sergio to pull the ugly Americans out of the mire they were stuck in through Saturday at the PGA. As Sergio dueled Tiger down the back stretch of Medinah, the Ryder Cup issue became trivial. Of course, the PGA of America, which Don Costello V*^ MAD— MARK", Brings Live Comedy To: g tosstoaas MAIN STREET; SYLVA, NC • 631-3322 WWW.CROSSROADS-SYLVA.COM A Special Engagement with "The Funniest Man In America" /AMES crccory . <$Sm ~,r Thursday, August 19 at 8:30 pm »*»*»*■*. DINNER MENU 5PM ON • FOR RESERVATIONS & GROUP RATES CALL: 631-3322 _ stands to make more than $20 mil- •fw lion off Ryder Cup profits, put out the fire by introducing a plan to fX allow the mega-stars to allocate a fair share of money to the chari- y- ties of their choice. It was nothing I more than a quick-fix public rela- dtions move by the PGA to keep from totally ruining their Championship before the first ball was Steed up on Thursday. The decision will turn out to be nothing but a tax write-off for the whiners. The PGA's soft spot has been __ punctured by the mighty stars and their mighty agents. To think, we almost thought that the "gentlemen's game" was immune to such sports heresy. Think again. Last week at the PGA proved professional golfers no different from the Kevin Browns, Isaih Riders and Edgerrin Jameses of the world. The golfers just carry more sticks, not necessarily bigger ones. And give it some time. Even the jolly young Spaniard will eventually cave into the pressures of sports fame and demand payment for his heroics in international competitions such as the Ryder Cup. Don't let Sergio's smile, his energy and his charisma fool you. He is no different. The one-name wonder is just more immune to it considering he has yet to complete high school or puberty. Oui! Oui! or Wee-wee?: After being disgusted by the false patriotic heroics of the ugly Americans, I decided to denounce my citizenship for the afternoon and become a cheese-head. Actually, more of a brie-head or roquefort-head. Jean (pronounced something close to John with a twist) Van de Velde, the frenchman now notorious for not putting down his driver while blowing a three-shot lead on the final hole of the British Open, was one bright spot at the PGA Championship. Always looking at the French as pompous, uptight, egomaniacs for most of my life, I came to a new understanding of the people. I walked seven holes with Brigitte Van de Velde, the wife of the fallen hero, following Jean. She and her two compatriots were more polite than most of the Americans walking the course and nothing of pompous, uptight, egomaniacs. On the fifth hole, a par five, Monsieur Van de Velde couldn't hold it any longer. Jean took off for the nearest Port-O-Jean to relieve himself and returned to the course in perfect timing to hit his second shot, a driver pulled into the left rough. He ended up birdieing the hole. From the Land of Whine and Cheese: Van de Velde's caddie, we'll call him Pierre for lack of a better name, was wearing a UNC Tar Heels hat during the round. "Why the Tar Heels hat?," I asked Brigitte. "He loves the States. He wanted something American, so he went shopping," Brigitte said. "That's what he bought." The French are famous for their wine and cheese. Tar Heels are famous for their whine and cheese. The French are called "Frogs." Dean Smith looks like a frog. I see the connection. I'm still trying to figure out the correlation between the Heels and America. Communists and Volvos are more American than the Tar Heels. enters lunch and dinr *e inrM
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