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Western Carolinian Volume 60 Number 18

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Item 1 - Western Carolinian Volume 60 Number 18

Western Carolinian Volume 60 Number 18

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Item

Details
- Format
  - Publications (documents)
- Type
  - Text
- Source institution
  - Western Carolina University
- Identifier
  - HL_WesternCarolinian_1995-02-02_Vol60_No18_15
Transcript

February 2, 1995 Western Carolinian Editorial KING SECTION: Secret Underground Weirdness by Williams and other Maniacs Williams and Peter Prozac Meet the Duke of Loaf and Discover How to Pick Up Girls (or: I was a Power 91 Contest Winner) NOTE: The following story is a mix of ct and Fiction. Let the reader decide which which. The whole thing began on a Friday srning. It was snowing like crazy, serious trries. Tony (my roommate) and I were ing through the morning rituals of getting sdy for our classes. As usual, we were tening to Paul Tranquillo's morning show Power 91, getting our sarcasm ready for other fun-filled day at WCU. Chris Barrus d the "Who Am I ?" contest, wherein he irted reading a chunk of autobiographical ita about a famous person. Tony guessed Igar Allen Poe during the first ten seconds the question. He quickly dialed up the ition wherein he got Paul Tranquillo who id that yes, Poe was the right answer but ny couldn't win because he was an iployee of the station. "Well, what about >ve?" Tony replied to Paul. "He's not an iployee." That was when Tony put the >one to my mouth and I said something to e effect of "Uh ... who is'Edgar Allen Poe." vas a winner. Yay! What did I win ? Six free :kets at Be Here Now in Asheville to see e notorious Dude of Life, along with three |e medium pizza's at Barley's BrewPub. A « retail value of $90.00! Was I happy ? ell<yesandno. You see, folks, I bought a copy of Dude M/es album "Crimes of the Mind" about 'o months ago (because Phish plays on it), w'm still trying to get rid of the mofabitch. Yes, it is that bad and all Phish J should fill the Phishnet with their moans sir01"?31"*8, However' I'd heard really «ve things about Barley's and was kinda r"8 *° che<* out their beer selection and za styhngs so I figured ahhh, what the - i won't be that "shitty" of an evening, ter getting everything squared away fereT T 3"d the radio station so that hen w°U be any misur>derstandings | Mr ^e arnved in Asheville (kudos again forties^1"0 f°r makinS everythinS so »rtvrrff 6aSy)' We headed out< our peninJ t^' *' ar°Und 6:00 Saturday i be J' festivities at Be Here Now were toj? arou"d 9:30-10:00 and we wanted shevili 'me t0 chow down- We arrived in as flurr ar°Und 730' The wind was cold'if l>e m,,„ l'"8' and we had a serious case of "mnchies Whe acked Th" R 6 Wa'ked into Barley's lt was s at the H e afariar> waiter who greeted lanY I ic,ul asked for my name and how 3upnns , lm and reached out for the r«blem',aS . ng him if there wouId be a W1cm With if u 'ould proh u rePlied no but that we table to y have to wait 40 minutes for ead We Said, to walk around Asheville, r°ceeded t -*" °-^' Went 1:,ack outside, and Qlri2 d "'"uiiu /\snevme, jfcWngo^" tOWards Lexington Avenue, 1ents all th 3SSeS °ff' making rude com- P all of tw6 Way' This little adventure took enty minutes. After deciding to The Dude of Life's physical appearance resembled nothing more than Richard Marx with a bad curly-perm. His wardrobe consisted of a purple glitter shirt, goggles, and a loud orange pair of crushed polyester pants that only Dan Butz could love. finish our wait in a warmer climate, we went back to Barley's, and watched all of the real cool trendy happening people walk in and out of our lives. After about twenty minutes of this, the big Rastafarian dude motioned to me and said our table was ready. Hallelujah ! We smoked cigarettes, drank Guinnesses, ate some really excellent pizza, and tipped generously, all the while using the people around us as satirical devices. Needless to say, Barley's is a really nice place and deserves the recommendations it's been receiving. Neither Alternative nor New Age, Barley's Brewpub is good food and good beer at modest prices (in other words, BRING MONEY). After a few burps and paying for our drinks, we walked up the street to Be Here Now. Getting in at Be Here Now wasn't a problem. Sure enough, my name was on the list, and after producing the proper identification, me and my cold merry entourage were allowed entrance. I grabbed a Stout at the bar while my friend, Chris, found us a table near the PA. system. After a 30 minute wait, the opening band took the stage lt was a quintet from Winston-Salem called Running From Anna. They were kinda like a cross between R.E.M. and 77k Coiusills. One of the guitarists jumped up and down with his guitar like he was on a mixture of crack and Prozac (although they swore allegiance to Guinness and Newcastle). Some of their materia was okay but the majority of it really sucked with most of the songs being repetitious and written in the same key. They successfully managed to put my buddy Greg to s eep The crowd was mostly a gaggle ot young hippies and Granolas dressed in Seattle grunge-wear and the obligatory be- STaS« minutes of Running From Anna's disposable (and non-recyclable) pop music 1 ventured downstairs to the Smoktog Room. Tony's g,rlfriend,He^er had shown up during R.F.A.s set. W sat, smoked, and talked about the toolbox she had given Tony as a gift. After twenty minutes, we heard the strains of the opening number, "Dahlia," being played. It was obvious that The Dude of Life had taken the stage so I climbed upstairs, found my seat, watched, andlaughed. The Dude of Life's physical appearance resembled nothing more than Richard Marx with a bad curly-perm. His wardrobe consisted of a purple glitter shirt, goggles, and a loud orange pair of crushed polyester pants that only Dan Butz could love. Dude's back-up band, on the other hand, was perfectly capable of duplicating the sounds of the recording. But you have to understand: the songs suck. They're one- dimensional pop tunes with silly nursery- rhyme lyrics that, as a whole, would bore the fuck out of your average sixth grader. The crowd at Be Here Now, however, was eating this "shit" up. After about six songs, Greg, Chris, and I decided that any place was better than this place, so we took off back to Sylva. Tony decided to stay with Heather and bear the rest of the show out. This is where I exit and Tony takes over.... Well, folks, Williams did the smart thing in leaving early. I hung around for two reasons. (1): I was kinda hoping that Phish would show up and make this show interesting and (2): 1 was having fun watching the local lesbians make out. Unfortunately, as the evening progressed, the Dude wasn't as observant. Most of the Dude's fans (and, believe it or not, folks, he does have them) began requesting to hear the song "Bitchin' Again". On the studio version of this particular tune, the Dude of Life duets with a female who yells and complains to him during various parts of the song. In his desire to duplicate the recording, The Dude pulled a very attractive female from the audience, lt was clear from the get- go that the Dude was horny and looking for some local hot action.Halfway through the song, the Dude handed the microphone to this lovely lady. She replied that she had nothing to bitch about. The Dude continued to badger her into bitching while suggestively pressing up against her. She then grabbed the microphone out of the Dude's hands and shouted to the audience "There's not a man in here that can make me orgasm!" My first reaction was to stand up in my chair and shout "Wanna bet, baby ?" but since my girlfriend was sitting next to me, I thought better of it. That was when her girlfriend (who wasn't as attractive) stepped out of the audience, jumped up to the podium, said "Come here, baby!" grabbed this wonderful female specimen by the breasts, and the two of them proceeded to French-kiss and fondle each other on stage. When the music stopped and the Dude was thanking this truly gorgeous creature for participating with him, I shouted, "DO HER, DUDE!" She laughed, the Dude looked perplexed, and we all knew that the Dude of Life wasn't gonna get himself a succulent young groupie to rumple and fetish — at least not in this town, anyway. This weird change of plans apparently rattled the Dude so badly that he broke into a spastic rendition of "Drive My Car" by the Beatles and, in that incredibly short chunk of audience participation time, was exposed for the pathetic poseur that he really is. I then proceeded to watch the girls make out with each other while the guys in the audience remained indifferent. After ten minutes I decided that even I had enough of this freak- show and opted to go to Denny's for coffee. Possible imaginary futuristic conversation between Steve Pollack (The Dude of Life) and Trey Anastasio (guitarist for Phish): Dude: Man, you're talking about weird places you've played, we played a gig during our last tour in Asheville N.C. at this really small club called Be Here Now. Trey: Oh yeah? Where's that at? Dude: It's way the hell back in the boonies of Western North Carolina. When we played, it was January, snowing flurries, and cold as "fuck." Trey: Well, what's so weird about that ? Lots of "Inbred jed's" in attendance ? Dude (shaking his head): Nah, man, not by a long shot. What was weird was that there were a lot of young girls in the audience, mostly in their teens, and all of them were making out with each other, French-kissing, the whole nine yards. Trey: Wow .... and what did the guys do? Dude: Mostly they just stood there, bobbing their heads in time to the music. Trey (laughing): Wow, cool... kinda like being in a Tom Robbins novel, huh ? Dude: Or lost in the Rubyfruit Jungle with Rita Mae Brown. Jee-zus !

Object

Description

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University's student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolinian in 1933.
Details
- Creator
  - Western Carolina University
- Format
  - Publications (documents)
- Type
  - Text
- Date
  - Date original: 1995-02-02
  - Date digitized: 2019-11-13
- Extent
  - Dimension: 14" x 11.25"
  - Pages: 20 pages
- Subject - Topic
- Location
  - Jackson County (N.C.)
  - Cullowhee (N.C.)
- Source institution
  - Western Carolina University
- Source Collection
  - WCU Students Newspapers Collection
- Identifier
  - HL_WesternCarolinian_1995-02-02_Vol60_No18
- Repository
  - Western Carolina University Hunter Library

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