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Western Carolinian Volume 45 Number 06

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  • Septatrtbei rHE WESTERN CAROUN1AN/B4GI * THE INIMITABLE PAW by Edward Williams Well, she-e-e-eet fellers and gals, if it ain't lime o' year fer Hillbilly Her'tage Day here on High ("s mountain estate. Vcssir, Ah shore 'null had a heap o' fun at all the hillbilly days I ever been al afore. Here's jisl some o' my fav'rites. [Boy, is Ah ever lookin' ford to Saturday.| A half-wit show will be held al 9 in Ihe mornin' down at the big fake cow pasture they got there by the crik. The half-wit show will be judged on missin' leelh, doolin' emaciated appearance and their abilitv lo squeal like pigs. Come on down an' watch the fun while you get a taste of real hillbilly hcr'tage. Then at 11 a.m., they're gonna dedicate mat great shrine <>' redneck residue, the Hillbilly Heritage Center, or Cotton's Erection as the local folks call il. Wellsir, you never did see a structure that represented mountain tradition as well as that concrete mass scttin' atop all that red clay. Makes you proud to be a mountaineer lis in" in a olc clapboard shack, you know? Ms personal lav rile comes up al 3l34) in Ihe cv'nin' lhc tabacky-swallcrin' contest! You sec, these fellers all git oul (here on a line, vou know, ans sec how much chawin'-labacky Ihcy kin swaller afore thev git sick, lasl one slandin' wins. An' Ihe colors are almost purty as fall in the mountains. An, o' course, lhc whole lhang wouldn't be complete without some good ole politickin'. Yessir, High C hissclf is coming oul of the penthouse o' Ihe Hilton to greet all kind o' loolinil gov'nersor what have ye. Tell you what, tho'. Talkin' about an' aclin' like rednecks an' hillbillies is one lhang, but if'n enybody cscr come up lo me an' call me a hillbilly, why, Ah'd smack him so hard, he'd hum like a ten-penny finishin' nail hit with a greasy ball-peen hammer.. I mean, heck, would you lei Jimmy Buchanan move in next door or marry yer daughter? Well, naw, o' course. Back to normal, folks. But as long as we're on the subject of hillbillies, how about lhc Hillbilly Bowl last weekend? One hell of a name. Bui wc lost, lies, leant, what happened? lhal game cost mc S20. Hev, but I love vou guvs. Gel nulla here, catann'lcs. So much for ( clcbritv Tomer, now moving on to poinl-counlerpolnl; Jane, Dan. . . TODAY'S QUIZ Whs does lhc Western Carolinian insist on making Ispographical errors in crucial passages? Example, in Ihe lasl Paw installment, Ihe word "specious" meaning nol-so-hol lo behold—was spelled "spacious"—a totalis different word, ruining Ihe whole joke. And Ihe word "Cotton" was spelled "Cotlen," loo. Send your essas to The Paw, Box 66, Cullowhee, N.C. 28723. COMING NEXT WEES Interviews with half-wil contest winners. . .Recent traffic fatalities prompt Western officials lo offer driver eduction. . .Chip, Eddie and Mark finally grow up. . .Western Roundup: how to lasso and tie up your favorite freshman. . .The SGA and UCB merge lo form Ihe SUC BAG. . .and more. iinainiiiUDiraraq by Eddie Yandle Noises are getting louder and louder up on the hill In D.C. about reinstating the draft. First the noises were to just require all 18-26 male and females to register. Now there Is word that after that legislation passes through Congress, there's a strong movement for total reinstatement. Didn't anyone listen to the young people of America in the sixties when they demanded [and received] an end to the draft? Mr. Wilkins is always the one speaking of our Individual liberties and that we shouldn't be controlled by the government, yet In the same breath they want to let the military take them away. And if you believe that you're a free person in the army, ask an enlisted man sometime how free he is. Registration is only a preliminary to the reinstatement of an unnecessary evil. Serving in the military is a great profession; if you're interested In it. "It's a job," as the commercial says, "seven days a week." The U.S. government already has all the information they need for draft purposes If a crisis arises. They already know where we live, have our social security number [our government name], and all facts they need Paint it! To Whom It May Concem- To all the people who keep complaining about the New Administration Building and how out of place it looks: "Quitcherbitchin" and do something about it! LET'S PAINT IT! Name withheld by request P.S. But do a good job; we may be better off as it is. to draft our young people within a couple of days. Members of Congress keep saying how much they want the draft to return, but they didn't bother asking us, the ones who vote, what we thought of the idea. Wilkins may try to come back at this point by noting a majority has said they would prefer to have the draft reinstated. But that only is true of the over 30 age group who won't be the ones involved. A drastic change of opinions occurs when one notes the under 30 group, who would be Involved, as 58% do not see the necessity. Peace time efforts do not require the use of double our present military manpower that several conservatives have been yelling for. The United States Military is strong; to say the least. To require the assistance of the draft to "enlist" the assistance of a few warm bodies is not going to strengthen it. The only thing it will do will be to cause people who do not believe in such nonsense to return to pre-Vietnam days of draft evasion, a federal crime. That's a pretty tough rap when someone is only speaking out against an unneeded/unwanted system. Speak to me, Major Wilkins. ^^B^^BB^B^B^^^^BB^B^B^B^B^B^^B^B ^B^^^^^B^B^^^^B^^^^^B^^B^B^BB^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^BB^B^BV B^B^B^BJ B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B^B GHcma Wilkins According to Mr. Yandle, a strong and ready- American Army is unneeded. If he is satisfied with an Army that is mostly illiterate, riddled with drug problems and unable to muster the bare numbers needed to protect our country, then I feel sorry for him. I agree with Mr. Yandle |?| when he doubts the necessity of doubling the present size of our armed forces, but certainly something has to be done to correct our deplorable slate of readiness. Yes, Mr. Yandle, I try lo defend our individual liberties, but I also feci wc have a responsibility to fight for our freedoms if the need arises. What would have become of our country in WW I and II if America's young men had refused to fight? Vietnam certainly laughl us some bitter lessons, but does this lessen our dedication to preserve our way of life? For the sake of generations to come, I hope not. The purpose of a strong army is not to wage indiscriminate wars, but lo discourage others to do so. Time has proven that our volunteer forces are unable to meet this criterion. What is Congress and the President to do in face of this sermus weakness? Do wc preserve the status quo and pray thai hostile forces do not challenge our nation, or lake necessary precaution in case we are threatened? History supports those arguing for a reinstation of registration, and eventually the draft. Of course, this is a political hot potatoe that most politicians would rather avoid, but action must be taken one way or another. Either we raise military wages and benefits to levels that would attract bright young people the kind needed to run a modem 20th century army], or we reinstate the draft. The first solution would cause the military budget to literally skyrocket. This solution is unacceptable to most Americans and unrealistic due lo soaring inflation and a sagging economy. The remaining solution [the draf(| seems lo be Ihe only alternative left to us. Mr. Yandle's assessment of U.S. military capacity is indeed pitiful. We are attracting neither the quality or numbers needed for our Army to be a creditable opponent on any battlefield. Sometimes we must make painful decisions that will be of long term benefit lo the country. It is time to make one now. . .
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