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Western Carolina University Publications
WCU - Western Carolina University Publications

Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Item 1 - Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12
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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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Western Carolinian Volume 66 (67) Number 12

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  • CAROLINIAN GET A LIFE April 3, 2002 Western Carolinian Features Jay Leno, 'Mr. Miyagi' Join Forces in Buddy Flick Collision Course ranks with Casablanca on all-time classic list By Sean Bilichka Staff Writer Okay, I know a lot of you out there have been waiting for this review, but first I have to do the lead-in. That is a newspaper term for rambling on for a while before getting to the point. Or it's just something I made up, one of those two. No one ever sends me any funny e- mail any more. I used to get like four a day, now it's none. Well, one of this week's e-mails pointed out that I messed up all the 'company' and 'division' stuff in last week's review of "We Were Soldiers." So, I screwed up. My bad. Hope no one based their master's thesis on my military sectioning scheme. On with the review! "Collision Course" just booms off the shelf with the picture on the box. I'm not even going to describe it, just look at the picture that accompanies the article. It cries out to you. 'Rent me!' the box yells, 'Invite all your friends over, crack some Miller High Life 40's, make fun of meeeeee!' I, for one, couldn't resist. What follows is the greatest 100 minutes yours truly has ever spent in front of a television. You know you are in good hands once you realize the director of this film is also the stand- up individual who brought us "Dukes of Hazzard: The Reunion" and "Navy SEALS." (ooh, Navy SEALS!) Yes, I speak of Lewis Teague. This movie is so complex, it must have taken a literary mastermind to sum it up in the one-sentence plot summary that appears on the box. "A Japanese investigator (Pat Morita, also known as Mr. Miyagi from the famed star-vehicle for an up-and-coming Ralph Macchio, Karate Kid. Also, from Karate Kid Part II. I'm not really sure if he was in that other Karate Kid, with that little girl or not, but he should have been.) and a Detroit cop (Jay Leno, also known as the guy who's not David Letterman or Conan O'Brien.) team up to track down a stolen prototype turbocharger." • I ask you, WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? You have Mr. Miyagi, Jay Leno's chin, and a stolen turbocharger. Just think what a stolen turbocharger could do in the wrong hands, my dear readers. Imagine the horror as gangs race through the streets faster than our police cars. Who could stop them? No one, save the combined forces of Detective Tony Costas and Investigator Fujitsuka Natsuo. (You guess who plays who.) A lot of people talk about great buddy-cop movies. Some tell me about "Lethal Weapon." Others go on and on about "Rush Hour." Still more want to talk about "Beverly Hills Cop." Well, no more. You cannot speak of great buddy-cop films that star a master ninja and a late night talk show host without talking about "Collision Course." However, if Chris Tucker ever gets a late-night show that whole scheme is shot down. Sometimes, the true geniuses behind films like "Collision Course" slip through the cracks. Frank Darius . Namei, for example. I found out that the writer of this film has not written any new movie scripts! That is a tragedy worthy of Shakespeare, loyal friends. When you are the originator of taglines like," Not So Much A Lethal Weapon, More Of A Liability!" and " With two cops like this someone's going to die laughing!" and you are unable to find work in Hollywood, times are desperate...yes, very desperate indeed. I did a little looking around on the Internet, fine tool that it is, and discovered that this movie neither received or was nominated for any awards! A sharp pain entered my heart. I thought of how bitter Hollywood must be that every other movie pales when compared to this masterpiece of celluloid. This is the Casablanca of late-80s cop buddy movies. No, I say it's greater than Casablanca: this is the Citizen Kane of our generation. So I have decided to begin a crusade. I will not rest one second of my life until the great American film "Collision Course" is nominated for an Oscar! Hmm... my roommate tells me that that won't work at all. Oh well. I won't rest until I finish writing a great review about "Collision Course," then I will rest! That's pretty much it. Oh, one more thing. April Fool's on all of you. This movie was so terrible my VCR karate chopped me in the face as I tried to put it in. Then the TV dragon punched me across the room. Under no circumstances should you ever watch this movie. It is the leading cause of death involving VCR- related violence. I had to watch it by running the film over a bright light really fast. I even learned to lip read/Anything for you, dear readers. Once again, don't even touch this movie unless you have gloves on. Even then you might want to double bag it for your own protection. If not, then don't say I didn't warn you. Your pal, Sean Ever get tired of reviews about movies that you don't care about? Each week, staff writer Sean Bilichka will review a rented movie as selected by the populace of Western Carolina University. If you have a suggestion for a movie for Sean to review, or want to comment on reviews that Sean has already given, e-mail seanhatesmovies@netscape.net
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Western Carolina University Publications

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolin...

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