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Western Carolinian Volume 57 Number 26

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Item’s are ‘child’ level descriptions to ‘parent’ objects, (e.g. one page of a whole book).

  • Volume 57 Number 26 Features -rho, wp^tern Carolinian Page 4 Thursday, April 23, 1992 Intimacy Dougal McKinley Contributing Writer Psychologists recognize the establishing of intimate relationships as a major developmental task of youth and young adulthood (ages 17 to mid-thirties). So if you are struggling with defining love, intimacy an their relationship with sex, you aren't alone. In my experience many of the students who come to the counseling center wrestle with these issues. Part of the problem lies in the multiple meanings of these words and their shared characteristics. Have you ever defined love without using examples or listed as many examples as possible only to find that the word applies to many different emotions, people and objects? For example, you can love your boy/girlfriend, your parents, your pet, your new haircut or some New & Used Books We Buy Sell & Trade. Cards& Gifts BOOKS UNLIMITED 372 Westgote Rd., Suite 16 Franklin, NC 28734 (704) 369-7942 group's newest album. Here is the same word expressing very different behaviors and feelings. The ancient Greek's solution was to have four different words to describe love. One of these words is Philia which refers to a strong or enjoying another's company. Another word is Eros, refering to passion or sexual desire. Storge describes family or blood ties. An example of storge is two brothers who hate each other yet form a united front when a bully picks on one of them. Philia, eros and storge are all primarily feelings which I'm sure many of you have learned come and go as they please. The last word for love is agape which refers to treating people in a ethical, caring way regardless of feelings. Taking care of a boy/girlfriend who has the stamach flu is an example. You nurse the person because you so choose, not because he or she is pleasant be with or you enjoy cleaning up the mess. Agape is primarily an act of will. I propose it is philia and eros that make the high of being in love and it is agape that carries a couple through the hard times. Now several types of love can exist together. I believe infatuation of "falling in love" may be a combination of philia and eros. The ability to determine which type of love you are experiencing may help in evaluating the long term prospects and health of a relationship. Our society conditions us to equate intimacy with sex. However, sex or physical intimacy is only one type of intimacy. Some of you may have engaged in sex with people you did not feel close to or trust. In MOVING LOCAL OR LONG DISTANCE Anywhere U.S or Canada - Reasonable (704) 586-1480 „„ other words, the encounter lacked emotional intimacy. How does one judge emotional intimacy if feeling of closeness can come and go? Knowing the four levels of talk may be helpful. The first level focuses on events, ideas and objects. The second level focuses on non-significant others such as teachers, RA's and campus security. Both these levels of talk are directed at strangers and acquaintances and are socially acceptable. The next two levels are only socially acceptable when directed at close friends, lovers or spouses. The third level focuses on positive and negative aspects of significant others such as parents, one's children and close friends. The fourth level discusses preferences. I propose what the ability to get down to deep levels of talk and the amount of time spent there is a measure of a couple's emotional intimacy. It generally takes much more time, risking and energy to achieve emotional in timacy that it does physical/sexual intimacy. A question to ask of any relationship is whether the levels of physical and emotional intimacy are congruent? How does sex fit in with all this? Whether or not sex is an expression of love and intimacy depends on how it is used and each partner's goals. If sex occurs in the context of a relationship characterized by agape, philia, and eros; reaches level three and four talk; and is executed with caring, respect and trust, it becomes making love. When sex occurs in a context lacking the elements of love an emotional intimacy it is basically an animal act driven by hormones. Many people in relationships involving love, intimacy and sex assume and behave as if being a couple means merging one's self into that of the other to create a new identity. How many of you know people that lose their identities as individuals when they establish a romantic relationship? It is as if the two people become a new persona. This situation creates many problems. For example, it retards growth in the could both as a couple and as individuals, it can cause great pain and trouble during a break up. How do you break up with a person you have merged your identity with ? How do you divide up the common property of your merged identities? People who refuse to give up their former lover to the point of stalking and violence may be extreme examples of merging. I propose a different model for being a couple or close friends. When two individual, separate atoms form a molecule, they do so by sharing electrons and not their nuclei or centers. If pushed closer together so that the nuclei merge, fusion occurs: an explosive release of energy that destroys the two original atoms. In a relationship, love, intimacy and sex are the electrons that hold the two individuals together as a couple while preserving their individuality. Many students of human behavior believe that the end result of a mature love relationship is the welfare of another without loss of the self. Others go as far as defining true love as the nurturing of another's growth as an individual. The material for this article was synthesized from Working with Adults, Individuals, Family and Career Development by B.F. Okun; The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck; lectures by Dr. R. Rigdon; and Dr. J. Ritchie's Relaitonship group. If these questions on love, intimacy and sex are issues you struggle with or if you are not sure if you are in a healthy relationship, come by the Counseling and Psychological Services Center located in 114 Scott between 8-5 an y day school is open or call 227-7469. Pick of the Flicks: The Babe Dan Warlick Film Critic Chalk one more homerun up for The Babel John Goodman (Roseanne) portrays the legendary Babe Ruth in The Babe. From traumatic childhood to his unfortunate last days, The Babe chronicles the rise and fall of one of baseball's greatest heros. At the tender age of nine, young George Ruth is abandoned by his parents at St Mary's Industrial School for Boys. George quickly earns the reputation of being incorrigible and seems destined for a hard life. Fortunately, one brother identifies George's uncanny ability with a baseball bat. He tucks George under his wing and prepares him for success. The Babe tracks the life of the Big Bambino through the good times and the bad. From a rocky start tohis famous point to centerfield in the' 32 World Series Game against the Cubs, the viewer will see a new side of the Sultan of Swat. The audience will learn about the man behind the bat. When he is up, Ruth is on top of the world. He earns money, power, fame, and everything he needs-except the most important thing, a secure homelife. He continuously gives to others. He buys things for his young fans, buys shoes for an entire orphanage, and even visits little Johnny Sylvester, a young fan seriously ill in a local hospital. He loves making people happy. When the legend stumbles, though, things get ugly. It's devastating for Ruth to watch his fans turn against him. Alcohol and self-pity are the potential roads of escape. Tempers rise, arguments become hostile, and age begins to take its toll. Reality sets in and our hero searches for a way to end his roller coaster career with dignity. One of John Goodman's lines is, "Every kid needs a home:" In this film, every family needs a Babe Ruth. The Babe, as portrayed in the film, lives with a Peter Pan syndrome. He never wants to grow up. Throughout the film, John Goodman portrays a jovial, benevolent, and optimistic personality. He gives and gives to make people happy. John Goodman is fairly believable in this role. The audience may see a side of him they've not seen before. The Babe is aesthetically pleasing. The humor, emotion, and personalities of the performers support the dramatic sequence of this film. Starting Friday, April 25 Fried Green Tomatoes, starring Cathy Bates and Jessica Tandy, drama PG-13. Beethoven, dog comedy, PG. The Babe, starring John Goodman, drama, PG-13. Call Quin Theaters of Sylva at 586-5918 for specific times. "Mostly Mozart" planned for April 28 Western Carolina University's department of music will present a "Mostly Mozart" evening of opera scenes Tuesday, Apr. 28. The Opera Workshop En semble performance will take place beginning at 8pm in the recital hall of the Music-English Building at WCU. There will be no charge for admission. Old Timey Ice Cream Parlor Homemade Fudge HOURS: 10-6 Mon. - Sat. The "Mostly Mozart" program consists of scenes excerpted from the operas 'The Impressario," "Cosi fan Tutte," "The Abduction from the Seraglio" and "Bastien and Bastienna" by Mozart and "Falstaff' by Verdi. All scenes will be performed in English. The Opera Workshop Ensemble comprises graduate and undergraduate students who are majoring in voice. Members are Christopher Bumgarner, Angela Robertson, Maria Henson, Beth Stovall, Lynne Wells, Andrew Parse, Heather Ann Owens, William Garner, Kim O'Brien and Heather Robison. Accompanists are Carta Miller, Scott Hawkins, Margaret Phillips, Steve Ruff and Paula Macey. Mary Kay Bauer of the music faculty is ensemble director. For more information, contact the music department at telephone (704) 227-7242. 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Object’s are ‘parent’ level descriptions to ‘children’ items, (e.g. a book with pages).