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WCU - Western Carolina University Publications

Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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Western Carolinian Volume 53 Number 14

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  • The Western Carolinian Page -7 Thursday, November 12,1987 Breaking Up Is Hard To Do The song " Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover" comically describes ways to end a love relationship, with ideas such as "get on a bus, Gus" and "slip out the back. Jack." We can laugh at those lyrics until it happens to us and then the situation Is no longer funny. Life Is grim. We want to die or at least kill our ex-lover. Given the odds that each of us will go through at least one breakup, either as dumper or dumpee, what can we expect will happen and what can we do to minimize the pain? According to Dr. Bruce Fisher, who wrote When Your Relationship Ends, there are as many as fifteen steps that a person must go through In order to get over a love relationship. For different Individuals, some steps will be more or less painful and some steps will take differing amounts of time depending on the length and Intensity of the lost relationship. But the Important thing to note Is that we cannot escape going through the stages. We may deny our feelings for a while but sooner or later we have to deal with our loss. According to Dr. Fisher, the first step in rebuilding one's life Is the self-acceptance of the end of the relationship. You have to let go of hope that It might work out and begin to say to yourself. It's over." You also have to be able to say this to other people. Then facing this reality you can begin your life again as a single person and you can look forward Instead of looking back. The second step In rebuilding your life consists of dealing with loneliness. For a time It Is difficult to engage in activities that the two of you did together because the activities remind you of your loss. It Is also difficult to make yourself engage In new activities because you often do not have the energy or because you Just don't want to face people. It's not so much that you are afraid of being alone right now, but that you are afraid that it will never get better, and that you will be alone and lonely forever. The goal of this stage is to learn to be comfortable alone and to use the time by yourself for healing. The third step is dealing with rejection and/or guilt. If you are a dumpee, you often feel worthless, as If something Is wrong with you. If you are the dumper, you have to deal with the guilt of creating pain for another person. For the dumpee, the goal here Is to realize that you are not at fault, that you are not Inadequate. As the dumper, you have to accept your guilty feelings as sometimes appropriate, but you do not want those feelings to Interfere with future growth. You have to recognize that you did the best you could given the circumstances. The fourth step deals with the grief process. Here It is Important to recognize that grief Is a natural and necessary part of the separation. You have to give yourself permission and adequate time to experience the grief, to cry over the loss. The grief process may include anger as well as depression, but eventually It will conclude with acceptance, which will support the work done in step one. The fifth step in the rebuilding process has to do with self-concept. Often when a relationship ends, your self-concept Is at an all-time low. This may be because you depended on your ex-lover for feedback about self-worth, and when you do not have that person, you can no longer evaluate your worth. Or your low self-esteem may be related to your inability to function at work or In social settings, and thus you get no reinforcement from those situations. The goal of this step is to raise your self-concept at least to the level thatyou can adequately deal with the end of the relationship. These first five steps are the basics that a person must deal with in order to successfully work through the end of a love relationship. They are often very painful steps but they cannot be avoided or denied. The remaining steps that Dr. Fisher discusses have to do with reestablishing oneself socially, with dealing with friends and new lovers, with rebuilding trust, and with finding the freedom to be yourself and to meet your own needs. The remaining steps are not as painful as the first five steps and they serve to Instill hope for a better future. The end of a love relationship can seem devastating but It can also be used for self growth and increased understanding of how we feel, think, and act. ...Conttnuwi From Pag. 6 Amnesty Int'l Josle also believes Amnesty has gained popularity over the last few years and the 1986 Conspiracy of Hope Tour really helped. The Tour had a lot of bearing because it brought prisoners of conscience to the attention of the public. Performing were such groups as U2, Peter Gabriel, and Sting with the proceeds going to Al. Western's chapter plans to sell Al t-shlrts and conduct a wrlte-a- thon to Increase campus awareness. Next semester, hopefully, several released prisoners will speak at a meeting describing their ordeals. The chapter also sends out "urgent actions" to apply timely pressure on a particular government concerning a prisoner's condition or status. B.C. BY JOHNNY HART +*r 0$ ^y SHERWOOD CAPITAL INC. A Career in the Stockmarket. Learn how you can enter the exicting world of the professional stockbroker. Due to expansion, we are seeking creative, intelligent individuals with an interest in the financial services industry. If you have sales ability, and are seeking an environment that will allow you to grow, Send your resume to: SHERWOOD CAPITAL, INC. 5171 GLENW00D AVE. SUITE 202 RALEIGH, N.C. 27612 orcall: Sean E. Kilmartin Account Executive Telephone: 919-782-5900 Member NASD and SIPC Pizza delivery 5-12(mid.) on campus 7 days a week 11-9 Stuffed Bathed potatoes 10 different salads Italian dinners ■(Deli Sandwiches 'Broum (Bag license BestWestern CAjTAMQCINT INN INOePCNOBKlTLV OWMED AND OPERATED Highway 19-23 Sylva, North Carolina 28779 (704) 586-3315 Don 9t let the dorm room disturbances interfere with final exams. We fll help you pass. Guaranteed NO disturbances! * Conference Rooms for group Study Sessions * * Huge Screen TV and VCR * * Full Service Restaurant * serving everything from Hamburgers to Prime Rib CALL IMMEDIATELY FOR RESERVATIONS Limited maximum of 2 students per room $25.00 plus tax Parents may pay with the following charge cards: Mastercard Visa American Express Diner's Club Offer good for Finals Week - December 7th-15th
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Western Carolina University Publications

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolin...

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