• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1993-02-11_Vol58_No19_04

The Western Carolinian Page 4 Thursday, February 11, 1993 Features Volume 58 Number 19 RSA studies telephone system Michelle Watterson Staff Writer The Resident Student Association (RSA) is examining the prospect of putting telephones outside the female dorms for security purposes. These telephones are stainless steel and are similar to a speaker phone. The phones do not have a receiver, but consist of touch-tone numbers, a button to turn it on and a button to turn it off. In addition, all of the wiring of the phone is done on the inside to prevent destruction. These phones would automatically cut off after three minutes to prevent long conversations. "For one phone it would cost between $400 and $500 just for a company to send the phones," said Virginia Rynk, Vice President of RSA. Rynk has gathered information from the Ram tech Corporation in Johnston, Rhode Island, which has supplied these phones for several colleges. Rynk said, "If the phones are installed, the doors to the female resident halls will be locked 24 hours and if you need to get in touch with somebody then you call them from outside." "If the doors are locked continuously it would cut down, not eliminate, on the number of incidents that happen that do go unreported. The more people that are kept out that don't belong, the better the security." Glenn Stillion, Vice Chan- cellorforStudentDevelopment, said, "I don't have a problem with putting the phones outside, but I'm not sure if it is necessary. Schools that have these phones do because of the crime rate in that area. We don't have a lot of crime around here." If the project is pursued, it will take two to three years to complete. Brenda Gallagher, Junior Adviser for RSA, said, "I think the phones outside is an excellent idea because that way, the guys won't be able to just walk in." "I guess the phones would be expensive, but it would be safer in the long run," Felicia Swaim, WCU Student, said. Maintaining good relationships Peter Buck Contributing Writer I wanted to title this set of thoughts "The Honest to Gosh, Absolute and Irrefutable Truth About Relationships," but I guess it is better if I just call this "My Opinion." lam especially moved to work on this topic because I have enjoyed a rich involvement this semester with two groups offered at the Counseling Center, viz. "Enchanting Relationships" and "Changing Patterns." People attending these groups have taken risks in sharing about themselves, their relationships and families, and I have felt impelled to honor the risk, pain and hope I have learned from diem. So, here are some of my thoughts about what makes for good relationships - quite unresearched, based on my own personal experience and the observations of others: 1. Be bold: In order to break out of old patterns that keep us being jerked around by our neediness and fears (of abandonment, betrayal, vulnerability, etc.) think of what it is you are most trying to hide... And find a way to share it at the outset of a friendship or romance. Let me state this more boldly: Whatever we try to hide (from those we would be close to) ends up hiding us. Whatever we think would kill us (if the other knew it) is killing us slowly and surely right now, precisely because we live in the land of fear-of-being-known. Alive relationships require risk. When you die, what is it you will wish you had said? When you die, what is it you will wish others could have known and accepted about you? — It is true; not everyone can hear our deepest truth, but some will hear, and the contact with them will be a breath of fresh air, a homecoming and the start of a great adventure. 2. The whole truth: Two things which can help in doing #1 (i.e., daring to reveal yourself) are: A) Tell the whole truth, I mean it is good to say the good stuff along with the risky stuff; after all, we are talking about relationships we like or which are important to us (unless, of course, you realize that this relationship is neither likeable or important in which case go to #3). So say it: "I enjoy relating to you, and at the same time, some of what you do is irritating to me." - or - "Being with you touches me deeply, but I'm scared of my neediness and how I want to hold on to you so much." When I say "start at the beginning," I mean do not overlook the mood tones, needs or patterns that pervade your life. For me, the pervasive mood tone has been fear, and one pattern has been the belief that I have to take full responsibility for anyone I remotely begin to be romantically involved with. So, I have been careful to say just those things: "Relationships are scary to me. I'm afraid that I'll have to deny myself totally and start taking care of you. So, I still like you, but I'll need to go lightly, and I'll need to know what's going on for you so I don't project my stuff onto you."— Until I started naming my fears up front, I could not get to the joy, anger and sadness that make up the genuine courage I have always had but never known before. Fear had so dominated my life to keep from being hurt, to keep from pain. Admitting this has actually given me strength. 3. We know more than we think we do: Be open to information from your body and your intuition. Tingling in your arms, the urge to kick with yourfeet, blushing with shame, headaches, holding your breath, all these things can be a compelling commentary on what you "think" in going on. Our body does not he; although you may need to sit with it a few minutes in order to hear what it is saying. — So often we say "I don't know what's going on in this relationship! - If only I knew what was going on! -1 want to figure out if this is a good relationship!" I would suggest that when we keep saying "I don't know" there is a good deal that we do know and that either we are scared to know or we feel that it is wrong to know. For instance, a woman can be scared to know how lifeless her relationship or marriage is because of the fear of being single and having to make it on her own. Also, it can feel wrong to know if by knowing (your truth), you come into your own power and so leave behind a victim role that, for example, your parents felt safe putting you in. — We get to know. We get to learn, and we get to take care of ourselves while we are learning. If your partner is verbally and/ or physically abusive, you get to take your time deciding whether to leave or stay, and at the same time, you get to say you do not like it and you will not permit it happening again... Social etiquette requires that we overlook a lot of signals during our work day. Vitalrelation- ships require that we pay attention to and respond to those same signals. Thus, couples hardly ever argue about small stuff. Tone of voice, body posture, lack of time for processing, all these things turn discussions about how long to cook carrots (or who is supposed to take out the garbage) into childhood power plays, burning needs to be heard and understood and ancient fears that chaos will descend if things are not done "just so." It is not silly; instead it is the place of greatestpotential growth. If you can feel your feelings, note their depth, and do justice to this : .-:-:-:-:-a-:-: :-:-:-■:■:;..■■■■■ ■ ■■--■- " : :: :■! .:.■;..■: '■>:: :■:- > The Jewelry Outlet Buy Trade \ 10 Sell &14K W / \ % Gold Diamonds Watches Coins Chains Jay and Irene Ball 34 W. Main St. Sylva (704) 586-4599 Major Credit Cards Accepted Open 9-5:30 Monday thru Saturday _ 20% DISCOUNT ON NON-SALE ITEMS WITH AD " ™-■— ' ' •*• depth by doing some intentional conflict resolution or seeking couples counseling, silly arguments can become avenues of great growth. 4. A clue about establishing limits: Being able to say "No" and setting limits in relationships has to do with being able to feel our own feelings. To this degree I am free to feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, etc. I can have my own reality and trust my own perceptions. With my own perceptions I can (if neither feeling nor thought is blocked off) make decisions that pertain to me: what seems in my best interests. With my own feelings and thoughts, I can evaluate if an action I have taken is actually doing what I needed. If I am accountable to myself first, then I can change my mind. 5. What does love look like?: There is no substitute for having some picture of what a healthy relationship looks like. Infatuation, agitation, weak knees and feeling the axial rotation of the earth may be compelling for five minutes to a few months. As a matter of fact, I get that way at least once a day. If what you want is five minutes to three months of thrilling confusion, go for it, experiment with it. It ain't the stuff of commitment though, in my opinion. I say this because I have been in love when I was not confused or agitated, and instead I felt enlivened, eager to take risks and savor life. I have also been in a relationship where my friend was often angry at me with an anger so clear that it was refreshing. She was present to me in her anger, not pushing me away nor seeking to change my personality completely. So, I have some pictures inside of me of good relationships which allow me not to throw myself at the feet of each person who brings up my love delirium. If you do not have such a picture, I recommend Janet Woititz' s short book Struggle for Intimacy. 6. Talk vs. ritual: Not everyone who is on the path of growth likes to talk things to death the way you and I do. Go see A River Runs Through It and see if Norman McLane' s life is not as valid and rich as any of us psycho babblers'. To commune with such people, I think some sort of ritual is necessary, e.g., reverential fly-fishing. — You know, Jesus didn't institute therapy. He instituted the sacraments as a way to share life with his disciples and friends: cleansing and immersion in water, breaking bread and sharing wine, laying on of hands, ® etc. Ritual can be vital. Make up your own! 7. Make Mistakes: A job worth doing is worth doing poorly. We do not have to do things perfectly. We get to go two steps forward and one and a half steps back. Indeed, backwards is the right way to go when you have headed in the wrong direction. If you get really stuck (and none of the popular advice, including mine, seems to work), it is O.K. to seek help. I have several times in my life.—The Counseling Center is located at 114 E Scott, 227-7469. * TELEPHONE IftfgiS mi sue # RSA is considering the possibility of installing security telephones outside female dorms. yilbiibiibi lllbllbllb, J[bJlbj|bj|! muikji-j.il ||bj|b||b|ll ||bj|b||bll ||b||b|lbllC llbllbllbllbllbliuiiliiil.nl libllbllbllbliuilblii.nl •■■•■a llbllbllbllbiilriiiiiii.nl * llbllbllbliuiium.il >•■ llbMbllblllilinill.lll ri.i Mbllbllblinill. Ilbllbllblllnil. nullum.i ■. nunuiii.in.in. CULLOWHEE, NC TOGO ORDERS 293-3332 ■Mllillf lllilllilll iiiiiibin llbllblll Mi.iii.iiiuHiiiiiiiiillbMbllblll ilMillbllbllblll ■ iiblilillbllbllbllblll •* Hlilililiblibllbllbllblll I Hillbllbllbllbllbllblll • H>llbllbllbllbllb.|b||| "■ih< ibllbilbllbllbllbf|b||! ii.iiiiiibiibiibllbllbllbllb||li||i uiibiibllbllbllbllbljbllbJti iiiifl-libiibllbllbi »UI|l,||U||UJ|MU|tL]lbj|U-| "WCU 227-7346 mmmmmmmmzi. i TWO MEDIUM 12" f& ABC . «f SPG PIZZAS PLUS TAX Between ABC & Quin "Theater In the EE. Sylva Shopping Center 586-S860 Call Ahead For Faster Service/ PAPA'S Dl77 A TOGO? -VALUABLE C0UP0N- TWO MEDIUM 12" p/\PA'S SPECIE $ ONLY PLUSTAX PIZZA Papa's Special Includes Pepperoni, Mushrooms, Onions, Green Peppers & Canadian bacon. Extra Items available at additional cost. Valid with coupon at participating Papa's Pizza TohGo. One coupon per customer. Not valid with any other offer. No substitutions. PICK - UP OR DINE IN ONLY FRESH BAKED | PAPA^_PI77ATO-GO Expires 3/11/93. mmm s ¥ i

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University's student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolinian in 1933.

• Creator
  • Western Carolina University
• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Date
  • Date original: 1993-02-11
  • Date digitized: 2019-10-23
• Extent
  • Dimension: 22.75" x 14.25"
  • Pages: 10 pages
• Subject - Topic
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • Cullowhee (N.C.) -- Newspapers
  • Universities and colleges -- North Carolina -- Cullowhee -- Newspapers
  • Western Carolina University -- Periodicals
• Location
  • Jackson County (N.C.)
  • Cullowhee (N.C.)
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Source Collection
  • WCU Students Newspapers Collection
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1993-02-11_Vol58_No19
• Repository
  • Western Carolina University Hunter Library