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Western Carolina University Publications
WCU - Western Carolina University Publications

Western Carolinian Volume 50 Number 15

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  • DECEMBER 12, 1985 *MERRY CHRISTMAS* WESTERN CAROLINIAN PAGE 5 REQUIEM FOR AN ANCHOVY SAM SAILS Warning! This Story Can Be Harmful To Your Emotional Well Being, And Hazardous To Your Thought Processes. This Will Be A Tale Of Horror. First and foremost, I must state here and now and for the record that I am an anchovy lover. Anchovies are my staff of life. I love anchovies in eggs, anchovies in salad, anchovy hogies, but best of all anchovy pizza.Therein lies this tale, and the whole crux of the horror story. One nice night during the early days of the month of September, four of us went to the local pizza emporium for a light snack. My three companions ordered a pizza with the plebian trimmings. We all know such as: pepperoni, hambuger, onions, olives, etc. In as much as my taste runs towards the exotic, I ordered a pizza with double anchovies that turned the repast into a gourmet's delight that made my snack the piece de Resitance. After that mild repast I went right to bed contented as a carnation cow. Being as tired as I was, home and bed was the best place to be after the pizza emporium. Some time during the evening's early hours weird dreams came to me. In the dream I was back sitting in the pizza emporium getting ready to bite into a double anchovy slice of pizza, whenavoicein a commanding tone said "Stop! No! Halt! Don't you dare take a bite out of my tush." Coming out of the pizza slice was this anchovy, squirming out of the hot, melted mozzarella, pushing an olive out of the fjfpy with its tail, and butting a slice of onion away Iffith Its head. Any anchovy lover can always tell you that an anchovy is no more than an inch or at the very most two inches long, but when this slimy fish came out of the cheese believe me when I tell you that this creature was eight feet tall, reminding me of the eight foot rabbit called a puka in the play "Harvey". This giant anchovy stared and glared at me in a menacing way and said, "As spokes-anchovy for the world's anchovies, we are sick and tired of all you gluttons chomping on us year in, and year out, with absolutely no attitude of gratitude and no idea what—so-ever what we have to go through for your gastronomic enjoyment. Don't you think we love life also? We love to swim happily i n the Atlantic with our fellow anchovies, but unfortunatley some idiot with a net always catches us and prepares us for your delights, so on behalf of all anchovies I am here to tell you we are sick and tired of it." Still dreaming I said "What do you have in mind?' Big fish looked down at me and said, "you will see butterball," and proceeded to throw me into a giant pizza with all the trimmings, and with a laugh said, "see how you feel stuckto hot mozzerella with olives and onions next to you chubbo." Screaming with just the thought of that last remark I shouted. "Never, never again shall I touch or eat another anchovy." Waking up in a sweat, realizing it was only a dream, I checked the clock and it was only 11:30.1 ran to the phone, and called the pizza emporium ordering a large double anchovy pizza. Because getting a hair of the dog that bit you is the best cure for overcoming a conscience attack. Oh well! Perhaps next time I might just try the pepperoni, but you all know it just won't be the same. Now didn't I warn you before hand that this story was truly horrible? You were warned, never say you weren't and no apoligizing from me either. Ooooh! What a stomach ache! Honey where's the Pepto Bismol? r Compton Graduate Fellowships for Black Americans At Vanderbilt University If you would like to earn a Ph.D. in preparation for college teaching, a Compton Fellowship for Black Americans at Vanderbilt University may help you achieve your goal. Each Fellowship pays full tuition and fees, plus an annual tax-exempt stipend of at least $8500 for up to four years. For further information, call or write: Mrs. |udy Warren The Graduate School Box 326 Peabody Station Vanderbilt Unlvefsity Nashville. Tennessee 37203 (615)322-3936 STACY LEWIS I PROGNOSIS IMPROVES FOR LIBERAL ARTS STUDIES The "careerism" trend, which pushed students toward narrowly focused, profession-oriented education, and away from liberal arts studies, may be reversing. The 1984 graduating class at Stanford U. earned more credit in the humanities than in any other-field, and this year's freshman class at Boston U. shifted away from job-oriented programs toward liberal arts studies. Although petroleum engineers command the highest salaries among college graduates, the number of students enrolling in that course of study is falling. Industry experts say the decline is so dramatic thatfuture needsforengineers may not be met. At U. of Virginia study found that, among those graduating in liberal arts between 1971 and 1981, liberal studies are recommended asanadvantagein the pursuit of professional success. Ironically, it is the business world that is doing the most the stem the "careerism" tide. CBS is donating $750,000 to establish a' Corporate Council on the Liberal Arts to study the positive impact of liberal arts learning on business leadership. Meanwhile, AT&T recently found that twice as many, liberal arts graduates end up in senior management within 20 years as do engineering graduates. General Motors, pleased with the performance of its liberal arts professionals, has announced its intention to hire 500 more liberal arts graduates this year. \ Johns Hopkins U. has joined forces with the National Endowment for the Humanities to sponsor liberal arts programs and help professionals broaden their narrow educations. As preventative medicine, the Johns Hopkins U. medical school has dropped the standardized Medical College Admission Test to discourage students from over- specializing, and to emphasize that: "Medical schools mean what they say about wanting applicants with a broad general education." CULLOWHEE FOOD MART TEXACO Quick Friendly Service OLD 107 HWY >SUN-THURS 6:30-MIDNIGHT! FRI - SAT 6:30 - 2:00 AM !• GAS - DIESEL - MOTOR OIL * TOBACCO PRODUCTS * SOFT DRINKS * MAGAZINES & NEWSPAPERS * GROCERY & ICE * CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED * SUNDRIES/HEALTH AND BEAUTY AIDS HOtylYJL's Message to Political Leaders With federal budget deficits at record highs, government must take steps to balance the budget. But while Democrats and Republicans argue over who to tax and how much, the deficit worsens. Yet, this year over 30 million Americans will take advantage of an immense tax loophole. They will evade paying over $15 billion in tax revenue. Isn't it time to stop this tremendous drain on our nation's economic resources? American agricultural entrepreneurs have created a new revenue source for our economy, despite resistance and interference from the government bureaucracy. This new market represents an economic boon for America's farmers, and a potential new source of tax revenue. Despite government interference, this crop has become the largest agricultural commodity in the United States, larger than wheat, corn, or soybeans. The farmers, wholesalers, and retailers of this crop earn over $30 billion a year without paying a penny in taxes. These entrepreneurs have enjoyed an unprecendented free market under both Republican and Democratic administrations, but we think it's time the government makes them pay their fair share of tax dollars. As recently as 1982 the National Academy of Sciences recommended the regulation of this important new cash crop, just as a Presidential Commission did 10 years ago. Opponents claim that, like tobacco, it is harmful to health. Yet the government subsidizes the tobacco market so farmers can receive $1.70 a pound, while it outlaws this new crop which would bring farmers ten times that without government subsidy. What is this new crop? Well, so much misinformation has been spread about it that you probably haven't guessed. It's marijuana, one of the most lucrative and wide-spread "tax shelters" of all time. Marijuana policy has been an expensive failure America can no longer afford. Bring it under control, keep it away from children, create new tax revenues, take billions of dollars from crime, fund a credible drug education program, and help reduce the deficit. Marijuana, it's time for a new look. <&!^A For further information contact: The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) 2001 S Street NW, Suite 640, Washington, D.C. 20009 (202) 483-5500 GRAND OPENING UNIVERSE COMICS AND RECORDS NEW LOCATION OLD CULLOWHEE HIGHWAY NEXT TO SPEEDYS 293-9525 PARTY IN PARADISE Night Cruise to the Bahamas abroard the SS. Royale $25.00 deposit due by December 8 Departs May 19,1986 from Port Canaveral * $309.00 per person * Based on four in a cabin * Includes cruise, port taxes; all meals, and entertainment FANTASY TRAVEL 30 West Main Street 586-6266 or 586-8479
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Western Carolina University Publications

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolin...

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