• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1968-02-15_Vol33_No31_03

Thursday, February 15, 1968 THE WESTERN CAROLINIAN Page 6 The Broken Window An introduction to "A Fish Out of Water.* A cataclysm, a flash of lightening in the gloom, slashing violenUy downward through a million million particles of floating volcanic ash, through centuries of pre-non-history, cutting, slashing fighting down., down into the primordal green an eon below. 186,000 m.p.s., travelingjag- ged blinding path ending in a splash a cloud of shattered stinking vapor. "A Fish Out of Water' The Fish came into being slowly over a long period of time (it seemed) and to him there was no escaping Uie fact that he was a fish. He just hatched out along with his forty- thousand brother and sister fish and was there, no excitement, no shouting or cheering, even he wasn't particularly impressed by it all. Oh sure, he bubbled a little and goggled his eyes out at Uie forty-thousand other copies of himself swimming around him, but there was, of course, a logical explanation for this or at least there had damn sure better be so he didn't let it bother him any. The first few days of lis life were spent in this way - bubble a little, goggle out- and everything was in order, but Fish came to the realization Uiat he was special... He lay there in the air, gasping frantically for the water only a few inches away, dying "as sure as death and taxes/ he thought ironically, chuckling to himself above Uie strangling noises in his gills. His entire life lay there gasping in Uie dust before his eyes, and suddenly the logic didn't work anymore. "No," he thought, 'Not me." At an early age he found - he self-discovered - that he was special; somewhat better than Uie herd; exempt from all but the most responsible occupations. The fate of the entire world depended upon him as he saw it By Freeman D. Jones He had gone then to acquire Uie necessary attitudes and images on which to buUd his success. And he got a dozen grey business suits and two dozen button down white shirts and three dozen garish ties, and he purchased a brand new Buick (which for a fish is no mean feat) planted his lawn with crabgrass joined Uie country club so he would have at least SOME stimulating intellectual contact Then he built himself a two story plastic house with two and a half baths and a garage and a rec. room and figured himself to be very affluent and middle class. So he went downtown to Uie Prejudice Store and got the narrowest mind Uiey had in stock and he truly was all set. Now he could build success. At first only little successes like looking down on his neighbor whose Buick was last year's model and brow-beating a colleague now and then, but he knew that once he got the hang of it he would easily outdo this. It took years and years of struggle and sacrifice, you know, but toward Uie peak of his career he had managed three successful divorces, a romping ulcer, defrauding his competitors into bankruptcy, he could ignore, without a twinge, anything he couldn't understand. He hated everyone that was not like him but he soon included everyone Uiat WAS like him and finally included himself. Having reached Uie end of Uiat line, he branched out to include hating trees and grass and ash cans and the weather (good, bad or indifferent) he hated it all. He became so refined he could make a distinction between Democrats, Negroes, College students, Catholics, Jews, poo pie and human beings, and seeing all that he had and all he had accomplished he heaved a huge satisfied sigh and sank back to enjoy it ...He gasped twice in Uie screaming sun, opened his mouth, govgled his eyes and died - a Fish out of water. The Cat's Paw By The Inimitable PAW Thank you Carolinas Conference commission. We know that you have our last interests in mind. We know that you like us to enjoy a ball game the best way we know how. That's why our usually rip-roarin' knee- slappin' throat-howler in' student body was politely (or should I say not so politely) told to tone it down. It seems that we don't like our officials or respect Uie other teams and their coaches. That's right When it comes to winning, Uie Paw says get out there and win. And if that winning comes from the help of knowing Uiat everyone in the stands is right behind you, then I say keep yelling. I would rather see a school with too much school spirit than a pure-innocent little institution Uiat Uie only word mentioned was a little yen! But, we must conform with Uie code of ethics and act like proper ladies and gentlemen. Remember your manners, kiddies, and wave to Uie nice man in Uie black and white shirt CKITICOSCOPE By Sieve Guimond UCB Dance Despite the droves of near hysterical, morbidly curious onlookers entrenched in the lobbies of Helder, Leatherwood and Albright-Benton, the computer dance at the new A.K. Hinds University Center was a success Baxter Wood and the UCB are to be applauded for accomplishing. All, as well as a few more, of the two hundred couples rumored to have been matched by the computer seemed to have been there, and surprisingly, considering the past performances of our "glass-eyed " to have enjoyed themselves. Only a minimal number appeared to be mismatched to Uie onlooker. This in itself is surprising as the forms we were asked to fill out were much too broad and general in their approach to determine a student's personality. Except for questions concerning personal appearance, religion, and hobbies, almost anyone with common sense would have answered the remaining questions in a simi- liar manner. In the future, more probing, revealing questionnaires should be distributed; and, indeed, it is certainly hoped that there will be more dances of this nature. General observations (others as well as my own) about the evening were: l=The band left much to be desired in song selection as well as performance—too much •fast" music. 2-The band's feature singer- missed his name-was excellent and relieved the monotony of the band's style. 3-Everyone, especiaUy the gentleman, was a good sport about his fortune, if he were pleased, or his "fate" if he were disappointed. 4-The evening was not at all stiff and nervous as many expected and, lastly 5-Several "pinned" couples arrived with different dates showing good faith and open- mindedness with their steadies. He's your friend. If you behave maybe you can modulate your voices a little to give a moderate cheer. WHOOPEE!! Students, beware it's almost spring. With the budding of trees, and flowers, comes the blooming of politicians. Armed with posters and placards, Uiey attack our beautiful, litter free, campus and leave it littered, so that nice old ladies can sit around and say "My, my, what can our club do to help out those nice students at the Unv- versity. I know! Let's sponsor a clean-up campaign, so Uiat they can clean it up." Thank heavens Uiat someone worries about our campus because we sure don't That's why you had better buy an all-weather mud proof suit because new issues and old stances are budding and it looks like the monsoon is coming spreading mud everywhere, THE PAW'S PLATITUDE To arms, to arms, the Red Coats have won the battle once more. With the help of tories, Uie unhallowed grounds (which aren't to be tread upon until spring) have been captured. A new machine may be starting up within the pinned realm but I think it would just go bounce, bounce, bounce. Looks like green's up again. I.F.C. is again in the green thumbs of the chosen few. We wiU see how far it will go On Campus (By the author of "Rally Round the Flag, Boys!", "Dobie Gillis," etc.) with M&Shufaan MORNINGS AT SEVEN... AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT Any man who says morning is the best time of day is either a liar or a meadow lark. There is only one way to make morning enjoyable: sleep till noon. Failing that, the very best you can do is to make morning tolerable. This, I am pleased to report, is possible if you will follow three simple rules: l. Shure properly. By shaving properly I mean shaving quietly. Don't use a blade that whines and complains. Morning being a time of clanger anil anger, UM a blade that neither clangs nor angs. Use a Made that makes no din on your chin, no squeak on your cheek, no howl on your jowl, no rip on your lip. no waves while it shaves. I'se, in short, Personna Super Stainless Steel Blades. 1 have been shaving for 71 years (not too impressive until one considers that 1 am 49 years old ) and I am here to tell you that the quietest blade 1 know is Personna. I not only shave with Personna, but 1 also admire it. Old virtues reappear in Personna; old values arc reborn. Personna is a modest blade, an undemanding blade. Personna does not rasp and tug, veiling, "Hey, lookit me!" No. sir, not Personna! Silently, respectfully, unobtrusively, Personna whisks your whiskers with nary a whisper. It shucks your soil and stubble without toil and trouble. Why, you hardly know it's there, this well-bred Personna blade, this paragon of punctilio. Moreover, this crown of the blade-maker's art, this epitome of epidermal efficacy, is available both in Double- edge style and Injector style. Do your kisser a favor: get some. _'. Breakfast properly. I assert that a Personna shave is the best of all possible shaves. Hut I do not assert that a Personna shave, bracing though it may be, is enough to prepare you for the hideous forenoon ahead. After shaving you must eat an ample breakfast. Take, for example, the case of Basil Metabolism, a sophomore at V.M.I. Basil, knowing there was to be an inspection by the Commandant one morning, prepared by storing up energy. He recognized that coffee and juice would not sustain him, so he had a Hitch of bacon, a clutch of fcfgs, a batch of bagels, a notch of ham, a bunch of butter, a swatch of grits, a hutch of honey, a patch of jelly, a thatch of jam, a twitch of pepper, and a pinch of salt. The idea was right; the quantities, alas, were not. When the Commandant arrived, Basil, alas, was so torpid that he could not raise his bloated arm in a proper salute. He was, of course, immediately shot by a firing squad. Today, a perforated man, he earns a meagre living as a collander in Cleveland. ■1. Read proper!tl. Always read the paper at breakfast. It inhibits bolting. But do not read the front page. That is full of bad, acid- making news. Read a more pleasant part of the paper— the Home and Garden section, for example. For instance, in my local paper, The. Westport Peasant, there is a delightful column called "Ask Harry Homespun" which fairly bristles with bucolic wisdom and many an earthy chuckle. I quote some questions and answers: Q: I am thinking of buying some power tools. What should I get first? A: Hospitalization. Q: How do you get rid of moles ? A: Pave the lawn. Q: What is the best way to put a wide car in a narrow garage? A: Butter it. Q: What do you do for elm blight? A: Salt water gargle and bed rest. Q: What can I do for dry hair ? A: Get a wet hat. * * * © 196S. Mux Shulm»n Personna's partner in shaving comfort is Burma- Shave, regular or menthol. Together, Personna and Burma-Shave make a considerable contribution toward forenoon survival. again. Their last attempt at an organized venture--went. Say let's have a tournament sometime mat isn't won by the sponsorer. I hear Uiat ban-Ions are going out of style next year. FOOD FOR THOUGHT. Hats off to the appropriations U.N. team can once again compete in the Model U.N. It seems that the committee does have a heart after all. Americans earned a total of 667,592 college and university degrees during 1964-1965. From Reader's Digest

The Western Carolinian is Western Carolina University’s student-run newspaper. The paper was published as the Cullowhee Yodel from 1924 to 1931 before changing its name to The Western Carolinian in 1933.

• Creator
  • Western Carolina University
• Format
  • Publications (documents)
• Type
  • Text
• Date
  • Date original: 1968-02-15;
  • Date digitized: 2017-10-26
• Extent
  • Dimension: 15.75" x 11"
  • Pages: 8 pages
• Subject - Topic
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • Cullowhee (N.C.) -- Newspapers
  • Universities and colleges -- North Carolina -- Cullowhee -- Newspapers
• Location
  • Jackson County (N.C.)
  • Cullowhee (N.C.)
• Source institution
  • Western Carolina University
• Source Collection
  • WCU Students Newspapers Collection
• Identifier
  • HL_WesternCarolinian_1968-02-15_Vol33_No31
• Repository
  • Western Carolina University Hunter Library