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Western Carolinian Volume 34 Number 40

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  • Thursday, April 3,1969 THE WESTERN CAROLINIAN Page 3 The Window's Broken By Freeman D. Jones Worried lately? What with all this spring slopping all over us — up out of the ground, up Into toe air up, up and away who needs worry. Well... Ever stop to think how you'd feel If you were a freshman girl and were told you must live in toe Non-Rise nine-story fiasco way down yonder in toe boonies. Ever think what you'd do to move off campus to avoid living In a structure so unsound that construction on it had to be stopped several times, Imagine your joy when you are told to either reside in said dorm or drop out of school. Take note parents & future freshmen It is a lot easier to avoid this situation than to try to remedy it Have you experienced lately that delightful sensation down in the pit of your stomach something akin to a gallon of schizoid tadpoles when you are asked (or told) to explain why you prefer to wear slacks If you are a girl or wear your hair down to your shoulders if you are a boy or why you see no harm In kissing each other or playing in toe sprinkler at midnight Ever try to explain to toe Sta-Pres mentality that these things happen, really do, in the outside world. Ever get work hours or restricted to campus or any of the other millions of inane manifestation of administrative genius for following a behavior which took you years to evolve. Has anyone wondered why network television shows a killing at least every 15 minutes and brings you IN COLOR your War in Vietnam but for some reason cannot show one of toe greatest joys of life ~ toe simple act of love-making. You live in this world people. Really a gas isn't it Ever wonder what could cause this. Well friends its none other than that little old mind- warper LSD. Ain't our government wonderful. Good old drugs. Remember them. Remember when it was fashionable to get all hacked off about dope fiends. There was a drug being tested by toe Chemical Warfare division of toe U. S. Army for use In Immobilizing great masses of people ~ thousands « even millions could be turned into mindless protoplasm with this dread chemical. Remember toe old picture of toe cat & mouse In Psych, books — straight cat, straight mouse, cat kills mouse. Then drugged cat, straight mouse and cat is shown busily climbing the wall shrieking in terror at mouse. Tried appealing any grades lately sucker. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha, Remember how mad you were the last time you really were frustrated by whatever was trying to suck you into toe quagmire that's already up to your crotch. Remember sitting up nights digging through your home made demolitions books learning how to wire dynamite into ignition switches? Well next time don't bother ~ do this instead. Go get some money, Dont even be particular how. Sell your body. Turn In coke bottles. Work for It? Take this and order a truck load of Mystic brand tape -• Red of course and we'll all gather together and wrap Bird Building and when everyone that normally comes to work there comes to work we'll grab them, He them out flat on the ground, tape them down and make them look straight up until they realize that everybody on this whole planet i s one big family « marooned on this tiny chunk of rock going through space at several thousand miles an hour. Just lie there flat and feel toe earth turn as it hurls along through space. Feel all the G forces as they blast up up and away -- and maybe -■ just maybe they will begin to understand how stupid their rules are, how pointless their wars are, and what an utter waste fear, whether of drugs, of change, or of making love really is. Jump into toe flow. Take along a friend. PASSOVER STARTS TODAY! BE CAREFUL WITH TRASH FIRES! Please Only you can prevent forest fires! UindowshoPPing *ith wauy eowaRos This week "Windowshopping" examines ihe science of cursing your fellow student I maintain that a long string of four-letter Anglo- Saxon words does little more than raise an eyebrow of must students, and therefore. I will not suggest using phrases such "or the more popular *ill however, introduce you to my entirely new concept of verbally attacking those individuals who choose to cross your path 1 call it the manly art uf wishing minor catastrophic* " By "wishing" one of the following items upon the next annoying character, you'll experience that ecstatic satisfaction which neither profanity nor feeble insult can derive. If you like, you may keep this article in your wallet for future reference 1 just hope the guy you pick the argument with doesn't have the article too Here are the catastrophes May your Knglish Literature professor fall asleep during one of his own lectures May you get fixed up with a blind date and have her seeing-eye dog bite you. May your mother's cooking be worse than that of the dorm cafeteria May you go to the campus bookstore, buy six books, six notebo pack of pencils, and two pens and then have the clerk behind the checkout counter politely ask you "Will that lw all?" May your student I 1) picture look very similar to one of the photo- graphs hanging on the post office wall May your roommate own a 100 watt amplifier and 75 sound effect records. May your instructor call on you just as you're putting the finishing touches on a most elaborate doodle in your notebook. May you rush into a liquor store on your twenty first birthday and have the proprietor sell you everything your heart desires without once asking for proof of your age. May you faithfully attend a class every Monday. Wednesday and Friday and find out a week before the final that it's a five hour course. May you crumble and throw away your solutions to an exam and hand in the scratch paper. May you flunk the required lab in a sex education class. May you return home from a Canadian vacation and find your draft notice in the mail. May you be among a group of hippies who have begun a sit-in inside a condemned university building. May you receive a letter from your girl with 6c postage due, pay the six cents, and then find out you're being jilted. May you be told that you're a man ahead of your time and later discover that you've forgotten to take your watch off daylight savings time. May your professor collect the only homework assignment you failed to do. May you have the same name as the student who was arrested for selling narcotics. May you learn that the guy you just insulted is Ihe captain of the football team. May your father's favorite expression be: "You know, when I was your age we didn't have ..." May you be introduced to a girl with a "nice personality " May all your exams include that one question you were sure the professor wouldn't ask. IHts \-CB*'S *' —^ ^^^ * t>\% &mac i* cM-utoscou-E-iE.t ^s) mumQU cmv »_r\y. i*ov/e.& *«e W£ft.WMH«p W tW- «*£ Of A CTAM. \a__4£« 13 OMt -TrWlS .T\A.)Q. \F XH£ Coiki »_______* aU LIS fcCftC.Vto M£A«£ * §_61f>- ___AN . AMtt »>«& »-M.c>jg5r»c_Ns. 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